recovery

My time in a psychiatric unit

still surviving diaries, , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

love-quotes-and-sayings-for-him-romantic---cool-short-love-quotes-for-him-download-short-quotes-about-love-for-him-wallpaper-hd

In the middle of one of my worst nervous breakdowns I agreed to be admitted to a psychiatric unit. On entering the ward for the first time I saw lots of patients wondering and just pacing through the corridors with socks and slippers on. It was just like I had seen in films.

My first thought was surely I can be sedated and be put to sleep for my whole stay until I wake up recovered. The reality soon kicked in. I was only 17 then and had little experience in life, anything like this.

 

The first couple couple of days were like a dream as I smoked cigarettes heavily in a smoke clouded room contently staring through the TV in the corner. These wonderful little pills were given to me daily which at first served to numb my confusion, upset and anxiety. Walking around the corridors in the evenings was like walking on clouds being wrapped up in cotton wool. As the days went on those lovely little pills were rapidly reduced. The cold hard reality soon kicked in. Occasionally you would see as a patient just couldn’t cope with their own torment anymore. Dragged and carried in the air kicking and screaming back into their room, tears streaming down, such pain behind their eyes.

I was assigned a key worker through my time there. To help me recover and face my anxiety and depression. Some key workers were good, some were bad, I’m convinced half of them would be a dribbling mess on the floor if they actually experienced our pain. No text book could show them our reality.

My key worker told me to snap an elastic band around my wrist each time I had nasty thoughts or panic attacks. The band snapped after about an hour as I snapped it so hard. I knew I had to get through this and not rely on others. He wasn’t very good and luckily when I moved to another unit I had a key worker who was alot better. She sat with me through my darkest times.

Days then weeks went past as I tried various antidepressants, kept my routine of 3 meals a day, and got used to the diverse range of other people around me with varying degrees of different mental illness. Some kept themselves to themselves, some were friends, we helped each other through.

I still remember to this day the pride I felt at age 19 walking with my friends back to college about a year after leaving the unit and seeing my old key worker walk past and smile at me on the other side of the street. I’m not sure who was more proud, me or her.  I was well again,I was out, I had made it.

 

My time in a psychiatric unit

Life Essence, the will to survive

still surviving diaries, , , , , , , , Leave a comment

openmind

Deep inside all of us is the will to survive. It just needs to be unlocked from your mind by that special moment, from a song, a book or that special person who can reach you and untap the courage within. Is it divine intervention, inner strength or just survival, call it what you will, I have experienced it for myself.

Make or break

I was once so ill with my depression when I was in a psychiatric unit that they couldn’t handle me. I had to be transferred to a bigger psychiatric unit. It was a dark day and there was o way out for me as far as I could see. I felt the staff at the previous hospital unit had failed me. How would this unit be any different?

The truth is No one can truly save you, you have to save yourself!

Some friends of my dad came to see me that evening on the day I was transferred there. They were talking to me, trying to help, but I didn’t want to listen. All I was interested in was looking around the garden for escape routes, but where would I escape to, anywhere but here. I started to calm down and finally listen to them. I am an artist and have always enjoyed drawing and painting. The words are still clearly in my mind today. . “Just draw and paint, do your art. Fight, you can do this, fight and do your art, put all your energy into it, you can do it”

That special place in my mind had been reached beyond the dark fog. I had listened. The key had unlocked that part of my mind. From then on I spent hours in my room drawing and painting for the rest of my stay in the unit. It was one of the toughest times of my life, but the art had got me through. I fought back from that special place inside me.

I guess what I am getting at here is don’t ever give up, fight, do what you need to do, to survive. Channel your energy from that dark place, it is just a matter of unlocking the courage within. It could be from art, music, poetry, lyrics or just listening to someone who can reach within you to live and fight. The same goes for not giving up on a friend, partner or family member who is very depressed or suicidal. I believe they can be reached, its just a matter of finding what works and triggers that spark inside.

Check out my guide on surviving nervous breakdown here if you haven’t see it yet

How to survive nervous breakdown

I still have one of the first art pieces I did in the psychiatric ward at that time. See below.

A3 paper with coloured pencils. Age 17

_20160205_150122

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life Essence, the will to survive

How to survive nervous breakdown, further recovery

still surviving diaries, , , , , , , , Leave a comment

 

Now that you have read the second post of my blog, I want to go further into what you can do in your own road to recovery. If you have not yet read part 1 you can access here Part 1 You can access part 2 here Part 2

Mental Health Charity Mind

mind_logo

I really would recommend contacting your local Mind. They really helped in my recovery and without them my recovery would have taken a lot longer.

MIND have wellbeing centre’s around the country and you should have a centre within a reasonable distance from you.

They offer a safe place to go through the week to come and try one of the various groups on at the centre. I also had a mentor for 12 weeks to help me achieve my goals who had been matched to me as someone who had recovered from similar mental health issues. I also went on to 2 courses on mental health through mind and I am now involved with a scheme called workshop in mind which has allowed me to get back into paid work at my own pace.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy -CBT

I did find this helpful and it is a good idea to find out how long the waiting list is as I had to wait 6 months, it just depends where you live and how much demand there is in that area. It is all about working on your thoughts and changing negative patterns of thinking.

Voluntary Work

the-best-way-to-find-yourself-is-to-lose-yourself-in-the-service-of-others-gandhi-quote.png

I have done voluntary work before in my recovery or if I’ve been out of work for a while and lost confidence. I focused on work involving helping others which helped take my mind of me and give something back to the community. It did take perseverance getting the right volunteer jobs as I had to apply to a few as some were not very well run or weren’t as described when I went to discuss them. It is a great way to build confidence, meet people, try new things and get into paid work after, if you want.

Hobbies, A positive obsession

Having obsessive thoughts and worries are common place when you have a breakdown. I found it helped to really get back into my old hobby of toy figure collecting and model making. I was also enjoying art and pyrography at my local mind centre. I used that obsessive nature to have positive obsessions that I enjoyed. I would recommend trying to get back into an old hobby or finding a new hobby or interest,

image1-520x245

Some examples are:

  • Collecting something, memorabilia ect
  • Painting, drawing
  • Sports
  • Gardening
  • Crafts
  • Family tree
  • Yoga
  • Martial arts

Alcohol and Drugs

stay away from alcohol at least for a good while until you are feeling a lot better. The antidepressants need to work in your recovery and alcohol as a depressant will counteract the antidepressant from working properly. If you are not taking any medication I would still refrain from alcohol until you are stable and feeling a lot better down the road. I would advise staying away from drugs in general as I have suffered bad experiences in the past. They especially do not mix with mental health problems.

mindfullness, meditation and relaxation 

meditation-6

I would look into some form of the above. It really helps with anxiety and helping to get perspective in life and reduce stress. There are plenty of books on these subjects available at the library or to buy. There are usually courses and groups you can find in your local area as well to teach you.

Please feel free to ask me anything or comment below. Good luck on your path!

How to survive nervous breakdown, further recovery

How to survive nervous breakdown, next steps

still surviving diaries, , , , , , Leave a comment

This follows on from the basic steps in recovery from my last blog post, it is important to follow the basics first in the last post here The dark depths of depression, how i survived it before you read the below.

There is no magic pill

MatrixBluePillRedPill

When you have a breakdown you will repeatedly look for someone to fix you, like your family, your doctor, a self help book, there is no quick answer or shortcut. You just need to ride it out and will take as long as it takes. I just wanted to sleep and hope it would just disappear if I slept through it all. No such luck.

It is a combination of different things that builds recovery from abreakdown, not just one thing.

Acceptance 

This is important.  Try to accept the feelings and anxiety and panic. Cry if you need to. What I mean by acceptance is say your going about your day and you have that horrible panic feeling inside, sweating, maybe shaking, your stomach is all knotted. Instead of  saying oh god I can’t handle anymore of this. It’s too horrible, I can’t take it, say here it is again, these nasty sensations but I can still carry on with my day, they are horrible but they can’t kill me, so invite the feelings, accept, don’t run away. It wasn’t easy but it did help me to use this mind set. Just keep accepting, keep practising, get on with your day.

This technique of acceptance is covered in the book “Self help for your nerves” by Author  Claire Weeks. I would recommend it as it isn’t too complex when you may have low concentration.

Take one day at a time

Try to just think about one day at a time, you might have a really bad couple of days then a good day, you might even think you are recovered only to find you have another couple of bad days. This is normal, so try not to worry, just working on getting through today, tomorrow is a different day.

How am I going to get through the day?

This really worried me, with the vast day ahead, nothing planned, everyone at work, too ill to do anything. I just wanted to sleep all day but even then you still can’t escape your thoughts and feelings.

Make a simple to do list, keep occupied

At the start of each day think of any small tasks you can do. Nice and simple stuff, even like get washed and dressed, go for a walk, do the washing up ect. Each time you do one, tick it off the list. This will give you a sense of accomplishment, however how small and it keeps you occupied.

Examples are

  • Go for a walk or walk the dog
  • Go to shop for the milk
  • Gardening
  • See a friend
  • Do the washing up, or hoover the house
  • Laundry
  • Go swimming
  • Go to the library
  • Paint and decorate a room

In the evening you could:

  • Watch tv or a dvd, netflix
  • Do a jigsaw, crossword or puzzle
  • Draw or colour in a colouring book for adults
  • Have a relaxing bath
  • Play a computer game
  • Read a book
  • Listen to music

It really helped me to keep occupied and through my breakdown I moved house. A project to decorate the house really helped me. I also went swimming through the week which would help break up the day. Simple things like a jigsaw would be good in the evening as it can be relaxing and keeps you occupied.

Exercise is important to help relieve anxiety, all that adrenalin with no where to go. It will also help with the depression and getting you out of the house. Swimming, taking a brisk walk and jogging are great for this.

1996 Atlanta Paralympic Games

Make a road to recovery plan

My girlfriend thought one day in the early stages of my recovery to make a plan on the stages involved in recovery and what being fully recovered would mean. We called it road to recovery. I would recommend doing this with family, a partner or a friend.

Simply decide on what being recovered would look like for you. It could be going back to full time work, or education, simply feeling well in yourself again, but be specific.

Mine was getting well enough to go back into work and being happy in myself.

It had 1 month, 3 months, 6 months up to a year. A year was being back into some form of work which was enough hours to support myself and be off benefits.

I started by agreeing to swim, do activities on my to do list and attend the local mind centre. After that I looked into voluntary work and then started it. I then progressed on to do a small bit of part time work through a back to work scheme with MIND while I was on benefits. I then built up more work for myself and came off benefits.

When you have a breakdown I like to see it like the path you were travelling down wasn’t right for you at that time, too much pressure, too many stressors at once, moving, job change, births, deaths, divorce or following the wrong career path.

Your breakdown is like hitting a reset button on your life. Let’s strip it back and start again with a new healthier path!

resetbutton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The dark depths of nervous breakdown, how I survived it!

How to survive nervous breakdown, next steps

The dark depths of nervous breakdown, how i survived it

still surviving diaries, , , , , , 1 Comment

untitled

I have had several nervous breakdowns over the years and they really can be one of the most unpleasant experiences in life that can shake you to your core.

I want to emphasise however no matter how unpleasant it was, I survived and I’m still here.

I want to share with you what it feels like and more importantly how I recovered. I’m not going to say the journey is easy, but it can be done and if I can do it, you can do it.

If you are currently going through a nervous breakdown, know someone that is or have had one in the past, I’m sure you will be able to relate to the below.

teen depression, tunnel

What it feels like

You generally loose all your appetite and will not want to eat anything. My girlfriend literally had to spoon feed me. Panic attacks are common and I experienced them frequently as my body was constantly on high alert with adrenaline constantly running through my body.

Repeated worrying and negative thoughts going round and round your head all day are common place and I would have the same thoughts all day everyday. My thoughts were  I’m too scared to get a job, I can’t work, I will never recover, my life is going to be horrible, I have no career I won’t to do. I can’t handle this.

All of these nasty thoughts are connected with your body and each thought sets of more anxiety and panic within your body. I would have some calming thoughts which would calm my body then another scary thought would set off the panic feeling again.

Nearly every single day I would cry and it was only occasionally that I wouldn’t. I would also hit my head with my hands from sheer frustration and from feeling rock bottom, like I had nothing to offer anyone.

I would constantly need reassurance from my family and girlfriend about the future and to have hope my horrible thoughts about the future weren’t going to come true. Sleep was my only salvation at first.

 

How to recover, the basics

I’m going to mention the most Important steps first in this post.

  • See your doctor
  • Look at being put on an antidepressant
  • Tell your family and friends.

You need to see your doctor to get sick notes if you are off from work or need to claim benefit while you are too ill to work. Also you can ask to be seen by the psychiatrist for the area who will know more than the doctor on how to look at your treatment. Referral does take a time however. You will have to press the doctor on this as I don’t believe they have a great knowledge on mental health as apposed to physical ailments.

An antidepressant will help to stabilise your mood and will help with recovery. It can take a couple of weeks to kick in but it is worth trying. If you are on an antidepressant already, you may need to change to a different one or have a higher dose. To help with the anxiety and panic attacks the doctor can prescribe something to help take the edge off.

Tell your family and close friends. Don’t feel ashamed. A breakdown can happen to anyone and I got great support from my family who really helped me through it and wish I had told close friends sooner. Anyone can suffer through mental illness through their life, it is very common. It is not the end of the world.

Handling negative thoughts 

You will find you get Repeated scary horrible thoughts about yourself, about the future, about what you are experiencing. My thoughts were I can never work again. I will be scared, anxious and unhappy forever, my girlfriend will leave me, I can’t survive this, I hate jobs and will never cope with one again. All these thoughts were not real. I believed them 100 percent. Try not to believe them, just let them be there. None of my thoughts came true. It is just another part of the breakdown.

Finally if you are feeling suicidal, tell someone, a friend or family member, a doctor, the Samaritans, self help forum. You can also go to your a and e hospital department or ask the doctor if their is a community mental health treatment team that can speak to you. Hospital admission to a psychiatric unit is also possible which can provide a safe environment for you, I did admit myself a couple of times to handle my breakdown but have also coped at home.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

The dark depths of nervous breakdown, how i survived it