My Nervous Breakdown (anxiety/depression)

In June of this year, I believe I started experiencing a breakdown (I may still be going through it). My anxiety began to build around November of 2016, and no matter what I tried to do (i.e. visit friends, meditation, etc.) nothing seemed to help me. To give some context to this, I'm 24 years old and I moved back home since graduating college in 2015. Since moving home, I've had little social interaction with the people in my hometown (don't really have friends here) and I've worked at a company I didn't really like. I really don't like my hometown and took the job for the opportunity, even though I knew I'd be miserable here, so this may be a contributing factor.

While living at home, my parents have been overall nice and supportive. But I've found it hard to open up to them about things I'm dealing with, because they have high expectations for me career-wise (even though they say they don't). They're immigrants, so I've always had this feeling that if I complained about my life or feelings, they would tell me their life was harder growing up.

I dealt with some depression back in college, feeling unmotivated and direction-less. And I've really tried to make an effort to improve myself while living at home, consuming tons of self-help books and trying to make myself feel positive and motivated (which worked at times).

Perhaps all these factors and my perfectionism contributing to the crazy anxiety I started feeling in November 2016. In June of this year, I had to quit my job because I couldn't leave my office or pick up my phone. I was barely functional at home.

Not only was my anxiety intense during this time (i.e. panic attacks, etc.), but I also had intense feelings of rage and resentment towards my parents. I wanted to yell at them, for putting pressure on me build my career and be settled, for always doing the things they ask of me. However, I could never get my anger out because of the crippling anxiety I felt, and now I feel confused and depressed.

-------------------------------------

I'm very confused on what to do now --- I'm upset that I never got that anger and sadness out, because now I feel bitter but I was too scared to show those intense feelings. Any thoughts on this situation or suggestions on where I go from here? Should I seek a psychiatrist to work through and understand this?

Not only was my anxiety intense during this time (i.e. panic attacks, etc.), but I also had intense feelings of rage and resentment towards my parents. I wanted to yell at them, for putting pressure on me build my career and be settled, for always doing the things they ask of me. However, I could never get my anger out because of the crippling anxiety I felt, and now I feel confused and depressed.

-------------------------------------

I'm very confused on what to do now --- I'm upset that I never got that anger and sadness out, because now I feel bitter but I was too scared to show those intense feelings. Any thoughts on this situation or suggestions on where I go from here? Should I seek a psychiatrist to work through and understand this?

The only real way to start thoroughly resolving this is by sitting down with your parent(s) and respectfully trying to get (one of) them to listen to your side of the story so you can relieve that emotion.

Can you visualize a possible way of going about this?

I could help you by providing some helpful feedback in this regard, if you'd want to talk about it further.

Unfortunately, I feel very emotionally numb right now. It's hard for me to tap into my emotions -- I have anxiety over it and I feel very blocked.

jenna1997 wrote:Unfortunately, I feel very emotionally numb right now. It's hard for me to tap into my emotions -- I have anxiety over it and I feel very blocked.

I was inclined to expect such a stance would take form within you, regarding the prospect of having to assert your feelings of hurt and despair towards your parents.

Is the rapport and understanding with one parent better than the other, or are they equally malnourishing?

I'm just aware that young adulthood is the usual onset time for many mental illnesses. If you can't talk to your parents, finding an impartial person to talk to could help. Seeing your family doctor is a place to start. Psychiatrists generally don't do therapy but prescribe medication. You could go that route or find a counsellor or both but it does sound like you could benefit from some professional help.

I know you wrote this a while ago. But I can relate to this. I struggled with anxiety last year and it was a struggle to get rid of it. I'm sorry if I can't help but I can only give you my empathy.