Nervous Breakdown

am a thirty three year old who suffered a nervous breakdown two weeks ago, my whole life seems to have come crumbling down as a week after my breakdown my Girlfriend for the past year has now ended our relationship because she is not "In love with me". The support from my friends and family has been amazing but the one person I needed and wanted there helping me through this has abandoned me.

I now blame myself for us breaking up, but until I broke down I did not know what was happening.

My lifestyle has always been hectic, I am a warehouse manager and being for a mail order company it was a busy period leading up until Christmas, I also managed a Semi professional Football team where we trained twice a week and a match day on a Saturday, also in between I would set aside time to see my girlfriend, but I really did not stop.

I am considered a good looking guy, but I don't have much confidence in myself, I met my girlfriend eleven months ago through a dating site,mainly due to my confidence issues. The next eleven months flew by we went on Holiday, and had many great times on our own and with her little girl who was fifteen months when I met her and I took on as my own child and developed a real emotional bond with her, naturally a few bad but the great massively outweighed the bad.

I started to feel really unwell before Christmas, and in between Christmas and New Year I visited the doctor and was diagnosed with a severe chest infection, this was true but I think it was masking a deeper problem that my depression was getting worse.

I broke down on the sixteenth of January , up until then I can't remember anything that happened in January, I would go to work sit at my desk and stare, people would come in and ask we questions I would just shrug my shoulders, my phone would ring be it a friend or work related and I would just stare at it and leave it to carry on ringing. I would not want to talk to anyone or be around anyone, If I saw someone walking in my direction I would find another way to walk to avoid them. I constantly wanted to sleep and had no energy to do anything. My best friend did not hear from me for two weeks and we spoke daily usually. I even had to check texts the morning after I had seen my girlfriend to convince myself I had seen her. It felt like everything was going on around me and I was not there

My girlfriend and I had been talking about getting engaged and had even looked at engagement rings the weekend I broke down, we were also talking about holiday destinations for the coming year, and about moving into together when her lease run out on her apartment in April. She had even spoke to her family who she was very close to about the possibility of us starting our own family.

Back in November she was made redundant from her job as a beauty therapist, but within a short period of time had found herself another job in the same industry, but it would require her to work every other weekend. We certainly did not live in each others pockets, I would see her on a Wednesday evening, Friday evening and Saturday (When I stayed both nights) and then Sunday. Deep down I knew her working weekends would take a strain on our relationship because that was the only time I really saw her. I never wanted her to stop her working but In January started looking for alternative employment options.

My salary for my job is good, but the only concern I had was would I be able to give her the security of taking them both on in our own home, as she would have to come off benefits etc, and this played on my mind alot and I wish I had spoken to her about my concerns instead of trying to deal with it myself. I have always been an anxious person or always worries about everything and what people think about me and I hate letting people down.

She always text me telling me she loved me, and I thought we had a really close relationship. So when she ended it a week after my breakdown I was absolutely devastated it was completely unexpected, and I really don't know how to deal with it all. I can't sleep, I am twitching alot, and constantly have panic attacks.

Although I have been in other long term relationships (three years plus) I never new what true love was until I met her:

Is it true that actions speak louder than words.....And everything she wrote in texts and Christmas cards saying I love you was not what she really mean't ?

Why would you finish with your boyfriend after he has had a nervous breakdown ?

Should I blame myself for us splitting us because of my illness, I feel as if she fell out of love with me because the person she met eleven months ago had changed, but I was not aware of it because I was depressed ?

Having the nervous breakdown was a very scary experience, I would not wish it on anyone but until you reach that low and finally crack no one can appreciate what a horrible experience it is, I wish she would agree to come to some councilling sessions with me, surely if she really loved me she would help me through this instead of abandoning me, she wont even talking to me on the phone or via text.

The fact my relationship ended has affected me more than my breakdown and does not help when your trying to get your head round your breakdown. It is only now since my breakdown have I been able to openly about my experience because until then I did not know what was going on.

Any thoughts or words of advice would be appreciated.

J

((RedHeaven)), to have a nervous break down is very scary. It gladdens my heart to hear that family and friends support you. I feel sorry about hearing that your girlfriend left you in the moment in your life when you were most vulnerable. Nobody can know why she left you. It can be that she is not strong enough to cope with a break down. She can have been scared. It might have reminded her about things in herself that she is scared about. She might have found out that her love for you wasn't real enough.

It's always troublesome to be left by the one one loves. Please don't blame yourself. I know it must sound weird, but if she is not so much in love with you as she thought, the day will come when you will be glad that you are free too chose another one. For now you have to do the grieving work (to mourn). That can be rough! If I were you I would have found myself a therapist. Then you can get professional help to look at you nervous breakdown and get help to mourn.

I send my very best wishes for you!

RG

Hi RedHeaven1978,

Sorry to hear about your recent mental health problem and the break up of your relationship? Have you been formally diagnosed with Depression and are you getting support or medication to overcome this?

It would be impossible for anyone to say why your girlfriend broke up with you, but it may well be related to your illness. You really need to talk to her if you can and see what she has to say. It does sound like you were both somewhat committed to the relationship earlier?

If you can try to get some time out from work to allow yourself to get better and deal with your mental health needs. It must be very difficult trying to manage a full tome job, a recent break up and your mental hralth problems.

I do hope you have a speedy recovery. If you can ask you girlfriend about the state of the relationship. is it finished? or any possibiliry of a future.

In the meantime see your Doctor and make sure you are getting some support for yourself , perhaps counselling or CBT.

Best Wishes

Jim Bow

This is my first post on here, I've not had the guts to write before.

I read your story and feel for you. I split with my partner of ten years in august, after finally realising I wanted something better for myself. I had no idea at the time I was unhappy because of emotional abuse, now I do.

I had a break down at the end of dec. I'm still signed off work and am struggling to function. It is frightening, I feel like my brain is broken.

I releved to see you have no memory of recent events as this is something I have found too. My ex has been difficult in general, totally emotionally disconnected to me and what has happened. I have to talk to him because of the sale of our house. He has also been seeing one of my friends since we split, which feels like torture.

I would say try and talk to her, give it a go. But if I've learnt one thing from this pit that I'm in it's that people are different. I think I have an expectation that everyone is like me. Not everyone has the ability to empathise, be honest, care and talk about emotions.

To hear the words "I don't love you" would **** anyone in love, but in the situation you are in you need help and support. I have heard this myself.

I know the pain of thinking you would marry and have a family with this person, this is it. Until you discover its not, and are filled with guilt.

I really hope I can get through this, at the moment I can't cope with what's in my head and the raw emotions.

I wish you luck and hope.

I feel heartbroken. Like I am dust.

Sorry to hear of your breakdown and the breakup with your girlfriend.

Use all the resources you can during this trying time. The support of your family and friends. Seek professional help from a therapist and medical support from your doctor. You might want to try meds for awhile to get you thru this.