Just when we figured that all the new-age, analytical, genuine gibberish belonged to sports, NBC News breaks new ground by explaining, rationalizing and soft-spinning Brian (“Incoming!”) Williams’ wartime, under-fire heroics as a “conflated” story.
The military has a different term: stolen valor.
But some news folks can’t be expected to remember everything, like whether they were shot down in a helicopter. That is easily conflated. Hmmm, was that in Iraq or at Great Adventure?
Whatever, we’re not yet past the NFL’s de-flate issue and here comes NBC’s con-flate hoo-hah. But, hey, if conflated stories are lies told on the air in order to inflate the teller’s importance, Mike Francesa’s made a career of it!
By the way, it was brought to my attention that Friday’s column did not include even one Francesa note, thus I’m already covered on this one — with more, a bit later.
But first, breaking news: Ray Lewis’ next TV gig will be as host of “Unsolved Mysteries.”
Funny, in a not-so funny, Joe Pesci way, how ESPN provides both shelter and nourishment to sports’ most reliably satire-proof absurdities. Thursday was a hoot.
First, ESPN made “tsk-tsk” over the arrest of Ravens’ 26-year-old defensive tackle and University of Alabama scholarship student-athlete Terrence Cody — 15 counts of animal abuse, two for aggravated assault.
Shucks, why didn’t ESPN take advantage of its in-house expert on such issues, former Giants linebacker and University of Arizona man Antonio Pierce?
At nearly 30 in 2008, he pleaded guilty to animal neglect after his two pit bulls went unattended while he prepared to play in the Super Bowl. Of course, that didn’t prevent ESPN from having Pierce advise first-time Super Bowlers on how to conduct themselves before the big game.
Then, Thursday, ESPN noted the arrest of Packers defensive tackle Letroy Guion, 27-year-old Florida State man, arrested for alleged possession of a 9 mm pistol, nearly a pound of weed and $190,000 in cash.
But before the NFLPA could put a smiley face on Guion’s “in-quotes” “statement” of — “I’m disappointed for letting down my family, teammates and our loyal fans” — the police report described Guion as uncooperative and combative.
There, too, ESPN could have called upon staffers for their expert takes, including the aforementioned Pierce, who, after dropping Plaxico (“What Was That?”) Burress at a hospital, fled with Burress’s illegal gun then went missing for two days as investigators sought to question him.
Also Thursday, ESPN got into the self-imposed, tactical retreat sanctions on Jim Boeheim’s Syracuse University student-athletes basketball team. In a graphic, ESPN asked if this could harm Boeheim’s “legacy.” Hmmm. Legacy for what?
And again, ESPN, for years the we-pay-you! sanctuary for sanctioned and otherwise caught-cheating and/or lying college coaches — those nabbed “conflating” — had a pile of similarly disgraced but unashamed staffers, current and past, from whom to choose to expertly discuss such a matter.
If Boeheim were fired today, he would be an ESPN hire tomorrow, day after at the latest.
Finally, Thursday, ESPN brought in ex-PGAer Bill Kratzert, identified as “ESPN PGA Analyst.” But he was misidentified. All he spoke about — and forever — was Tiger Woods.
That’s ESPN, ladies and gentlemen! Where, after careful consideration, no better ideas stand a chance.
Read ‘Right 88’
Now to Francesa (and thanks for your patience).
Reader Rich Meyerson asks if we think this is a coincidence: This week Sitting Bull claimed vivid recall of what he expertly termed “Red Right 88.”
That was the decisive, needless Brian Sipe pass intercepted late in the 1981 Raiders-Browns playoff game — a play known (mostly in Cleveland and Oakland) as “Red Right 88,” and written as “Red Right 88” in that day’s Post, seen right in front of Francesa?
Coincidence? What do you think, Rich?
Then there was “Let’s Be Honest’s” claim that he went 4-1 in Super Bowl “proposition bets” — such as over/unders on sacks.
Given that YouTube, unlike WFAN, doesn’t lose tapes, he actually went 2-2. And, as reader Raider Dave reminds, add that to the fact that he predicted Seattle, 23-20, thus Seattle and the under — boing! — his 4-1 day actually was 2-4. Still, not bad — for him.
Speaking of conflation and WFAN, Brian Williams was one of those big shots who eagerly went on Don Imus’ show for all the mutual affection and self and cross-promotion it was worth.
And after Imus was sacked for baldly bigoted content, Williams was another of those big shots who pretended to not know that Imus’ show was loaded with excessively bigoted content
Network keeps hot air blowing
Weather forecast: A hot air front carrying high winds and blustery conditions warning remains in effect as ESPN has renewed Stephen A. Smith’s contract.
Everything’s a con. Now Falcons owner Arthur Blank admits that taped crowd noise was pumped into home games. Next thing ya know we’ll find out CBS piped in bird chirping during the Masters. What’s that?
So, if Budweiser’s aim-for-the-heart puppy dog ads annually are voted the Super Bowl’s most popular, why do companies spend a fortune producing Supe commercials aimed at the crotch?
We should all receive as many look-away passes as Shaquille O’Neal. Despite publicly mocking the sound of spoken Chinese and publicly mocking the facial appearance of a disease-disfigured young man, he stars in yet another new commercial.
Think those professional “experts” who firmly state such things as, “Seattle wins if Marshawn Lynch rushes for 100 yards or more” will stop now that Lynch did and Seattle didn’t? Neither do I.
Not that most could afford to attend the Super Bowl, but the next time not-for-profit commissioner Roger Goodell pledges allegiance to “the fans,” a bag of popcorn went for eight bucks, a soda went for nine — $12 in the plastic “Souvenir Cup.”
Seems everyone agrees that MLB has to pick up the pace. But most suggestions, though right-headed, don’t address the monster: formulaic managers combining to use eight, nine, 10 pitchers in 4-2 games. They manage “by the latest book” — even if there is no book and never was.
NCAA Student-Athletics: Clemson-Florida State, Wednesday on FOX Sports 1, tipped just after 9 p.m. What is this, ESPN “Sunday Night Baseball?” Anyway, in exchange for TV money, the arena was half-empty.
From reader James Nollet:
Q: Which players are now tied for the highest career passer rating in NFL postseason history?
A: Julian Edelman (the Patriots receiver who heaved a Jan. 10 touchdown pass to Danny Amendola vs. the Ravens), and Jon Ryan (the Seahawks punter who lofted a TD a week later against the Packers) — who both have a perfect 158.3 rating.
