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‘Dismaland’ promises the familiar misery of a grim day out
If history has taught us anything, it’s that while some things are rubbish
and depressing on purpose, others are just rubbish and depressing
Thu, Aug 27, 2015, 05:45
Laura Slattery
* Video
* Images
Watch the trailer for Banksy's theme park art installation, Dismaland,
in Weston-Super-Mare. Just don't expect spinning teacups and candy
floss.
Banksy’s ‘Dismaland’ installation at Weston-Super-Mare, in southwest
England. Photograph: Toby Melville/Reuters
Banksy’s ‘Dismaland’ installation at Weston-Super-Mare, in southwest
England. Photograph: Toby Melville/Reuters
If you go down to the woods today, you might find a ride called the
“farting dog”, a few plastic sheets masquerading as an ice rink or a
desolate site strewn with car tyres that have been frosted white. You
might see a man pretending to be an elf pretending to be Simon Cowell,
or a giant potato mascot in a red jacket and a bowler hat. But only if
you bought a ticket.
Because these are all things that have been spotted at real theme parks
– some of them abject failures (the many temporary “Craplands” that
closed early), some of them deliberately tasteless (Denmark’s BonBon
Land) and some of them surprisingly successful at luring the public
past the gates (Tayto Park).
When it comes to creating “great days out” guaranteed to provide “fun
for all the family”, the first rule is this: there must be adults
dressed as animals on the payroll. This makes the standard amusement
park surreal by definition, while the substandard ones are so grim –
wet garden sheds billed as Arctic “log cabins”, rubbery hot dogs
smeared with yellow gunk – that they move firmly beyond satire.
As a result, Banksy’s pop-up “Dismaland Bemusement Park”, a giant art
installation spread over a 2.5 acre seafront site in Weston-super-Mare,
England, is a wearisome concept from the off. A “Dystopian version of a
Disney theme park”? Oh. So happy-clappy kids’ stuff created by a
Californian media conglomerate to make money is . . . just that?
Glum
An “escape from mindless escapism” is what we kidults apparently
deserve. So Dismaland is populated with performers channelling their
inner Kristen Stewart as they pose as glum, bored staff in pink hi-vis
jackets and bunny ears.
Elsewhere, Cinderella’s coach has crashed amid paparazzi camera flashes
and the Grim Reaper is hogging the bumper cars. The experience sounds
like a cross between a pre-2014 Ryanair flight and Culture Night in
Dublin at about 10pm, when everything is closing and the culture is
over for another year. Naturally, demand for tickets is soaring faster
than you can say, “How about a trip to Stalin’s World instead?”
Closer to home, Tayto Park in Co Meath is less about art and more about
crisps, which may be no bad thing. The park, in its fifth season, has
had €26 million poured into it this year, giving Mr Tayto a reason at
last for his incessant cheeriness.
For its new 100km per hour Cú Chulainn Coaster, the operators of Tayto
Park “worked with UCD research teams to get the full background for the
character of Cú Chulainn”, which is fun attention to detail, although
presumably its customers are less interested in historical accuracy
than they are its 31m “drop zone”.
People in Ireland now use the words “Tayto Park” and “queues” in the
same sentence the way they have for decades with Disneyland, which will
only encourage more local entrepreneurs to have a shot at theme-park
glory – notwithstanding Banksy’s searing social commentary.
But if history has taught us anything, it’s that while some things are
rubbish and depressing on purpose, others are just rubbish and
depressing. So for any amateurs poised to erect a “Winter Wonderland”
or similar in a nearby car park, here’s some advice.
Mascots
Don’t skimp on costumes. An army of gormless mascots posing for selfies
as they schlep up and down queues will generate infinite goodwill even
if the thing being queued for is anticlimax city. Clowns and elves in
outfits bought in Dealz do not count.
Know that the number of fairy lights that qualify as “magical” has been
subject to horrifying inflation in recent years. Paying customers are
guaranteed to be unimpressed by venues with less sparkle than their own
front gardens.
If your target market is hipsters, be aware that salted caramel and
pulled pork are mainstream now. Try harder. Imagine what a theme park
created by The Grand Budapest Hotel director Wes Anderson might look
like, then build it before he does.
Watch out for snowballs: all social-media storms begin as a single dark
cloud. It takes just one angry adult with pictorial evidence of a
skinny, teenage Santa Claus vomiting in his grotto to prompt a refund
frenzy.
Think twice. Children cry all the time, but parents have an uncanny
ability to tell the difference between a cry that says, “Why did you
make me come here?” and one that translates as, “This place is so
awful, only a full media shaming and the bankruptcy of all involved
will remedy the trauma.”
* Topics:
* Kristen Stewart
* Mr Tayto
* Simon Cowell
* Wes Anderson
* Cu Chulainn Coaster
* Dealz
* Ryanair
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