hoichi

Can you also see the future for the lotto?

__________________
..."sign will set you free". a genie signed to me. as a mirror now reflect it. to other hands into other eyes, signs our greatest treasure, its light wants to be shared
..im ...that shadow with a cigarette, A Deaf guy who knows whats at stake.....

Condor1970

No hoichi, no one can see the future. But I do know that my daughter actually gave me a hug today, and said she understands now, and is sorry for wasting her whole summer playing on the computer, when she was supposed to be playing/talking with her friends and working on rehabilitation with her CI. Now, she's even regretting that basically missed one of the best summers we've had in a decade, locked up in her room with the shades drawn playing on that stupid teenager website. What a waste of life.

No, I am not a CC. I never said I was. Nor would I want to bring up my children in that kind of environment. I was simply making a point that sometimes achieving goals is very hard, and you have to deal with the unfortunate obstacles along the way. My point is that more often than not, humans are generally very lazy. This is a fact. If for one minute we feel as if we don't have to work for something, we won't. One does not succeed in life by being lazy. They succeed by working hard, and sometimes having to put up with a lot of difficulties. In fact, even when those who are coddled and manage to succeed, it is only when we face adversity, that we truly excel.

For anyone on here to think I don't love my daughter, then you don't know what love is. Loving someone is not just touchy-feely affectionate nonsense. Of course I have great affection for my daughter. Why wouldn't I? But, it's not just about how you feel. Loving is what you do. Sometimes, that love can be a bit tough, but in the end, it is worth it.

She's actually one tough kid (mentally). And yes, I do understand her feelings. I know what it's like to be different. So don't tell me I don't understand my daughter when not one person on here even knows who she is.

hoichi

So, you maneged through threats and coercion to get your daughter to dance to the tune you dictated.regardless of what ever she was feeling or even thinking or her own wishes...

And she has given you a hug. And has submitted.

Fair enough.

Hope this.behavoir youve instilled in her, works for her when she faces other threats and other coercions..

Judging by the hug..

Its looking grim.

Good job
(Pats you on the back)

__________________
..."sign will set you free". a genie signed to me. as a mirror now reflect it. to other hands into other eyes, signs our greatest treasure, its light wants to be shared
..im ...that shadow with a cigarette, A Deaf guy who knows whats at stake.....

Bottesini

During the Korean War, my dad was an unarmed combat instructor , and a military policeman escorting dangerous people on trains.

I had a similar upbringing to your daughter, although mine also incorporated extreme physical abuse. Not just the mental.

That made me decide how I would raise children if my own.

In addition to making sure that the people who raised me had minimal contact.

I definitely learned how to be sweet and agree to try to avoid the abuse.

Of course as an adult I don't take much guff from anybody

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caz

Bot I had the English version of your upbringing my biological dad was American but I was brought up by father British army Korea mental physical abuse I left home soon hit 16 and lived on own wits.
although not deaf then I had other problems like total fear of parents..
I made same promis my kids would never have upbringing I had...To this day I won't have brass in my house Saturday morning I had polish all brass in house and God help me if pin prick of dirt it was thrashing not slap

__________________
HELLO!

Condor1970

I'm truly sorry if you're life was miserable as a child. My kids however, basically get whatever they want. Seriously, if anything, I do dode them a bit much sometimes, by rewarding them for hard work. As a result of their hard work in school, and help around the house, my girls have just about every hi tech gadget, and fashionable clothes their little hearts desire. All because they work hard and earned it.

A good example is when my daughter begged for 2 years to learn how to play piano. So, I made a deal with her. I would buy her a piano, but only if she took lessons. If she quits lessons, then I sell the piano. My point, was that if she wants me to spend thousands of dollars on a piano and lessons, she will learn how to play it properly and be committed to learning how to play such a beautiful instrument. She's been playing for 5 years, and still going. She loves it. Sometimes, she does get a bit bored with it, but still plugs away, because she progresses slowly as time goes on. She also does not want to lose her piano. ie. consequences to your actions and inherent laziness.

Same goes for spending $100,000 of insurance for a CI.

Funny thing. She even admitted to me this morning she really isn't to worried about other kids bothering her, because she has long hair, and you can't even see her wear the silly thing. She's staring to understand very quickly that no one cares if she has a CI, and it ain't no big deal.

I think the real main reason, is that partly she doesn't want to feel different, and also got just plain lazy.

hoichi

You sure have a gift, for missing the point..
I grant you that..

__________________
..."sign will set you free". a genie signed to me. as a mirror now reflect it. to other hands into other eyes, signs our greatest treasure, its light wants to be shared
..im ...that shadow with a cigarette, A Deaf guy who knows whats at stake.....

dogmom

Condor,
My mother was raised by a very physically abusive and emotionally abusive and manipulative mother.

I think that "touchy-feely" as long as it genuine, is important- not at all "nonsense" and loving has as much do with how you express things/feelings, etc, as to do with "what one does". They do NOT have to be exclusive.
True loving is not purely about coercion or manipulation or about performance.

and you missed my/others' points as well as Hoichi's-

BleedingPurist

Your points amount to projecting your own issues on a young lady you do not know and engaging in undue criticism of parenting that has been excellent when you stand back and look at it objectively. There is way too much "boo hoo, I suffered in my childhood and in school because I'm deaf" on this forum leading pushing a social life over preparing for life.

She wants to hear. Wanting to hear with a CI is like wanting to get in shape. It's not gonna happen sitting at home doing nothing. So any projection of "I want to be deaf, so I'm sure she wants to be left alone to be deaf" is off the mark.

She also needs to strengthen her sense of how she carries herself being what determines how people perceive her, not the other way around.

LoveBlue

:dunno;

__________________
Severe-to-profound hearing loss in both ears.
SD @ 110db L-62% / 100db R-84% - unaided
Phonak Naida IX UPs

Condor1970

So exactly how have I coerced her? She was the one that wanted a CI more than anyone.

Exactly how have I abused her? Taking away internet privileges for lying? That's abuse? You must be children, or adults who never grew up. No real parent would question that kind of discipline for their kids lying to them.

Giving your children affection is vital. I am not arguing that. But, giving them affection after they have lied to everyone, and abused the freedom they were given, is not going to teach them anything.

She wanted to learn piano. And she made the decision on her own to learn and practice. You think it's appropriate to spend thousands of dollars on something, and then let it sit and go to waste? Or, would it seem logical to make a basic ground rule that when you invest in something important, you see it through? That if you want something, you have to work at it to earn it?

She begged for a CI. You think it's appropriate to spend $100,000, only to have her not use it, and just leave it lying around like a cheap cell phone gadget? Only then to find out that after all the affection and leeway she was given for months to see that she has been lying to you on purpose, because she just plain got lazy?

I even told her ahead of time, that it would not be easy, and that wearing it might make her feel a bit out of place, but no one will really care. She still begged for it, and wanted it. She was shown surgeries on YouTube of actual implants, and she still wanted for it. She even said she may want to be an ENT someday so she could do the same.

You people on here have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

I swear if you people were the parent of my daughter, she either be a knocked up teen, or a drug addict, based on your lack of guidance, and stupidity.

So tell me, oh wise morons, if you just spent the last year petitioning a multi-billion dollar insurance company, on behalf of the daughter I supposedly hate and abuse, and finally actually got a legally notarized insurance policy changed for the sake of getting her what she wants, along with support and help from the school district and doctors, only to have it wasted, what would you do?

Especially after your child wasted months of her life playing on a stupid computer, accomplishing nothing with her life, all because I gave the exact love, affection, and leeway you all spout your mouths off is so important, only then to find out she stabbed everyone in the back with her lies, because she got lazy? What would all you brilliant ignoramus's do?

Please tell me. I am so waiting to read your responses as to how to raise a child you know nothing about, especially when all your so-called "unconditional love" ideals have already failed.

And as far as missing your points goes. They have nothing to do with my daughter. Your points apply to you, since you were abused, mentally or physically. My daughter lives one heck of free life to do as she pleases, only to understand there are "some" rules and expectations. Heaven forbid, she actually has to work to accomplish something. She wasn't abused in any way like you were, so don't tell me she is being brought up like you were. You're just lying to yourself and everyone else on here hoping for some sympathy.

You have my sympathy to a degree, but you trying to tell me that I abuse my daughter because I banned her from the internet, is an absolute joke!!! Granted, I started this thread, but if you really are that deluded into thinking my daughter is being abused, then you need to simply shut your trap, and mind your own business.

What I find hilarious, is that I have discussed this at length with the people here at the hospital I work at, including the chaplain, the doctors, nurses, and even the local therapist who helps abused women from domestic violence. EVERYONE is cheering my decisions to finally put my foot down, and correct this situation.

I bet hoichi thinks not letting my children watch violent movies and pornography is abusive too. I guess my kids would be able to do whatever they want, with no consequences at all. How foolish. There is a couple other people on this forum who warned me about the idiots on here. They were right.

Bottesini

So I guess you find it a little hard to take if people don't give you unconditional approval?

__________________

rockin'robin

It doesn't seem that the OP is coercing his daughter at all...she wanted the CI...was showed movies of the surgery...and wanted to "hear"......at 15, that's what she wanted...and 100K isn't peanuts either!...People are saying she should have a choice of her own body...and she did. Her father told and showed her the pros and cons...she still wanted the CI.

I've heard of many deafies wanting the CI...and the Insurance companies paying an enormous amount of $$ for it...then for them to just throw it down....

At 15, she does have a sense of what she wants and doesn't want. One of my sons wanted to play football....so I went ahead and paid all the fees, uniforms, etc. Then he started to complain it was "too hot"...but...he knew this to begin with...and I made him stick it out. He's glad he did!

Same as for the piano...my nephew wanted to learn how to play, so my sister bought him a nice piano...after a few sessions, he lost interest....but...my sister told him..."you don't give up"...and today, he is an accomplished pianist and plays drums also, has his own Band.



s

Bottesini

I don't think the criticism of the OP has much to do with the CI at all.

There are different means to an end, and you can accomplish just as much with kindness as with bullying.

__________________

Condor1970

I fail to see how taking away addictive internet privileges after getting lazy, and being lied to for months would be considered bullying.

As a parent with actual children, kindness and affection was given in spades for months after her surgery and activation. Only then to be deceived, all while ignoring the rehabilitation requirements spelled out by the medical professionals. People who know a heck of a lot more than you.

If you'll all notice, after asking the so-called affectionate experts, not one has a solution to the issue after all their so-called kindness, love, and understanding had failed.

Reba

It's not necessary to insult "you people" or call posters rude names in order to make a point.

Restricting privileges, such as cell phones and computers, is not abuse.

AD members who have overcome horrible childhoods to become successful parents themselves should be praised, not criticized. They have adult children which they can point to as proof of success. Several of us have years of parenting experience. My grandchildren are older than your children.

That isn't to say one parent's method is better than another, per se; not all children, even in the same family, need the same kind of parenting.

Nobody here has attacked everything you've done, so there's no need to be so defensive.

Reba

Since none of us are brilliant ignoramuses, how do you expect to get a serious response?


Where has unconditional love failed?

That's a risk you take in posting your personal business here. You're not always going to get affirmation responses. Honest responses, yes; affirmations and strokes, not always.

And these would be co-workers and friends, all hearing?

That's hyperbole, and you know it. No one here stated that you should let your kids do whatever they want without consequences.

whatdidyousay!

I am getting to understand were stand with your daughter and it sounds like you guys had worked things out and that is great . Yes , love can be tough and I was more concerned about being a good mom and not my daughter best friend. I think that is what a lot of parents do today.

__________________
Mark England December 6, 1983 ~ February 15, 2015
RIP Mark , You'll not be forgotten .

Condor1970

So you think that I'm being harsh after the first words out of the mouths of "these people" were things like calling me a "Tyrant", dictator, an "Abusive Parent", or that I'm coercing her, manipulating her, not giving her choice over her body, and forcing her to do all these horrible things?

Don't be so naive. Calling them "these people" is being quite generous on my behalf, after their incredibly stupid remarks.

I can think of much better ways to express myself if you really want to know what I think when I get called names that fall into the category of criminality. It's flat out offensive. As a good parent, the first thing they do is attack me when months of affectionate parenting skills fail, and I am forced to apply discipline to solve a serious problem.

And for me to tell them they are an ignorant moron, when they actually are ignorant of the entirety of the situation, yet claiming to know it all, is just flat out worth the title. Like it or not.

If anyone should be apologizing it's the ones who think they know everything about raising children, when I'm certain by their own ignorance, some of them may not even have their own.

Oh and btw.... my daughter just called me on my wife's cell phone and said "Dad, you wouldn't believe it, I was downstairs watching TV, and I heard Mom walking around upstairs with her high heels. I never heard that before. OMG!!!" I said, "Excellent, good job sweetie!" And this, after only 2 FULL days now of wearing her CI.

She didn't sound abused to me. Oh, WOE IS ME, that poor child... boo-hoo.

Reba

Do you think your posts gain credibility if you use the same insulting ways of other posters? Or would a reasoned response carry more weight?

If anything, angry responses could reinforce some ADers' opinions that you're a bit heavy handed in your parenting.

Trite but still true--two wrongs don't make a right.

Name calling, as any parent knows, just escalates emotions and resolves nothing.

Let's see--caz, Botts, hoichi, RR, wdys, myself--all parents, some grandparents (forgive me if I overlooked someone).

rockin'robin

Myself was an abused child, on the street at 15...my 2 biological children were spoiled rotten...I would not discipline them. They did not turn out well at all and I was and am heart broken over it....As for my 3 adopted grandchildren, I used discipline, a totally different approach to parenting. All 3 are successful and never been into any trouble with the Law, gotton a DUI or a felony....We have to give kids structure...and consequences for their choices in life.

The OP is the parent and perhaps his parenting skills may differ from others...it is his child and I feel he is doing what he feels and knows is best for her.

Condor1970

You're right, I won't call them ignorant morons anymore. I'll just refer to them as "these people". I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings after they spent numerous posts slandering me as an abusive parent.

I only get angry when faced with such stupidity that my intellect has no course of action that "these people" can comprehend. It's like trying to explain the fundamentals of subatomic macroscopic cross sections to a stoned koala bear who ate too much eucalyptus. Sometimes a good verbal lashing is needed to explain things to people who just don't get it. Using superior language skills and excessive kindness is something "these people" actually use to attack others in order to try and wave their own flag. And frankly, it's pathetic.

Will I use vulgarity? No.

Will I instigate an argument? No.

But "these people" certainly seem more than willing to do so. I won't stand by and be slandered by them when they have absolutely no idea what the entirety of the situation is, and don't know what they are talking about.

How would you like it if someone out of nowhere suddenly verbally slaps you in the face, calls you abusive, and then proceeds to tell you how to raise your child?

Now THAT'S RUDE!!!

Reba

And you fully realize that referring to posters as "these people" is very patronizing and inflammatory. Sigh . . .

More with the patronizing insults.

Using insulting language is hardly "superior language skills."

If we have misunderstood anything you've posted please feel free to correct that misunderstanding. I can tell you right now, people are less likely to accept what you post if you insult them. Same as you don't accept whatever others post because they use rude language. It gets nowhere.

Reba

What makes you so sure that hasn't happened to me?

BTW, it wasn't exactly "out of nowhere." You made a highly-charged original post on an open forum--you must have expected consequences.

Condor1970

It was not a highly charged post. I was simply telling everyone what has happened, and that as a parent, I was truly angered by the lies, and deceitfulness of my daughter, whom I put great trust in. As a result, I did what a parent needs to do, in order to stop a serious problem when being kind and affectionate for months, horribly failed.

So, I'm one guy that got piled on by a whole gaggle of "these people", got a bit defensive after being thrashed about, post after post, until finally I made my case, and proved them wrong... primarily with proper language, using only one insult, and you then spend numerous posts to proceed to lecture me on how I need to be nicer and not insult people, so they are more accepting of me.

Ok Reba, when you take the time to start telling every single other person in this thread that you just listed, who spent their time giving me a verbal whipping, by accusing me of being abusive and manipulative, then maybe you won't be such a hypocrite.

Come on Reba, let's see it! The next 10 posts by you had better be individually titled to every other person you listed with a lengthy lesson on verbal etiquette.

whatdidyousay!

And I won't be stand by and have you call members here 'these people' !

You have admitted your title of your thread come on rather harsh !
'She in BIG trouble' . People that grew up with an abusive parent(s)
know every will what this meant! So of course any normal person would be concerned about the child . I am not looking for you pity but I had a drunken abusive dad so when I saw your a title red flag went up. What would you think if a total stranger came up to you and said " My kid is BIG trouble ! "

__________________
Mark England December 6, 1983 ~ February 15, 2015
RIP Mark , You'll not be forgotten .

Jezie

I am curious...you have made a lot public, and it has piqued my curiosity.. Do you sign? Does you daughter have contact with the deaf community in your area? Also curious, whose idea was the implant and how did that come up?

Reba

They've all experienced my criticism at times in the past. They know where I stand.

You're the newbie here. I'm not lecturing you. I'm trying to give you some insight into the dynamics here. Take it or leave it.

See my above reply.

I'm not here to play posting games. There's no need to hash the same things over and over. It's time to get back on topic, so I'm moving on.

My closing thought--no one changes anyone's mind by using insults--no one on either side of a debate.

Condor1970

So, you just assumed I abused my child without even reading it? The first thing I said in the very first post, was she got her internet/cell phone privileges taken away for lying...

THAT'S IT!!!

You have never heard of sarcasm? Sometimes when your child is in BIG trouble, it just might not be a beating with a cat-o-nine tails, a 2x4, or maybe a pillow case full of bars of soap. Just sayin'. It might actually be something else.... like taking away a ridiculous electronic gadget that she spends way too much time on. Maybe you need to read first, and try to use some intellect to understand the context of what is written before you just fly off the handle and assume I'm some kind of abusive parent.

And if you have a hard time understanding plain English... Then ASK!!!

I'm not calling them names either. I am referring to them as "these people" because it IS a group of very verbally offensive people that are slandering me. So, I am not using insults anymore. Just referring to the whole group of people as "these people". It's entirely correct. Would you prefer if I sat and listed all those names in sequence, every single time I refer to them? That's ridiculous.

Barbaro

This situation feels familiar to me. You sound like my father. He ranted about spending a fortune on private speech therapy on me for years. Anyway, he finally had accepted it later. I do understand that getting a CI is very expensive and so is speech therapy. I know you're upset and betrayed by her act.

Why did your daughter get tired of her CI? Had she had any experience like exhaustion and headache from wearing a CI? I read your previous posts and other thread. It sounds like her mind get tired from listening through the CI. Is that why she didn't wear it for a whole summer?

I think it's not a good idea for her to watch youtube videos about others getting positive feedbacks from CI. She feels very discouraged and probably jealous. That will make it worse. I suggest you encourage her to talk to others (teen or early 20s) with CI in person.

You said that she was suppose to hang out with her friends during the summer. Is she not interested in hanging out with others? Or is she just avoiding them?

__________________
We know what we are but not what we may be.
-Author:Shakespeare