She's in BIG trouble!!!

Condor1970 · 10-08-2015, 07:01 PM

Well, after having an implant for about 5 months now, my daughter has milked this enough. The Audie said she has only been wearing it for about an hour a day, which is not enough to get it to work properly. I kept wondering why she hasn't been improving like she should be expected to. Well, she's been taking it off in school, because she doesn't want to feel different, and when she gets home, she wears it, but has it turned off to make it look like she has had it on, but didn't. Then, she takes it off for the rest of the night saying that she is tired, and having it on all day in school is fatiguing, which of course now I know she hasn't even been wearing it.

Well, I warned her.

Unfortunately, now she has lost all internet privileges for the next 6 weeks until the next office visit. No cell phone, no computer for internet to play games on. If she doesn't have enough hours of use logged when we go back, the phone stays confiscated.

I hate doing these things, but I am forced to. She basically, lied to all of use for months. So, there will be consequences to her actions. If she has to learn the hard way, so be it. Besides, she's addicted to texting on that stupid cell phone, and playing internet games anyway.

Teenagers!

Funny thing is, now that she has been forced to wear it in school, a couple kids have asked what it is, and how it works. Their only response, "Oh, that is so cool". She's kind of a shy girl, but now she's getting more friendly attention than ever, when she thought she would be picked on. What she doesn't realize, is that modern day kids love all that hi-tech gizmo stuff. It's not quite like the old days. LOL

**Bottesini** · 10-08-2015, 07:08 PM

It seems like it must be more than just wanting to fit in, if she turns it off and takes it off at home as well.

A fifteen year old should have some say over what happens to their own body.

hoichi · 10-08-2015, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Condor1970

Well, after having an implant for about 5 months now, my daughter has milked this enough. The Audie said she has only been wearing it for about an hour a day, which is not enough to get it to work properly. I kept wondering why she hasn't been improving like she should be expected to. Well, she's been taking it off in school, because she doesn't want to feel different, and when she gets home, she wears it, but has it turned off to make it look like she has had it on, but didn't. Then, she takes it off for the rest of the night saying that she is tired, and having it on all day in school is fatiguing, which of course now I know she hasn't even been wearing it.

Well, I warned her.

Unfortunately, now she has lost all internet privileges for the next 6 weeks until the next office visit. No cell phone, no computer for internet to play games on. If she doesn't have enough hours of use logged when we go back, the phone stays confiscated.

I hate doing these things, but I am forced to. She basically, lied to all of use for months. So, there will be consequences to her actions. If she has to learn the hard way, so be it. Besides, she's addicted to texting on that stupid cell phone, and playing internet games anyway.

Teenagers!

Funny thing is, now that she has been forced to wear it in school, a couple kids have asked what it is, and how it works. Their only response, "Oh, that is so cool". She's kind of a shy girl, but now she's getting more friendly attention than ever, when she thought she would be picked on. What she doesn't realize, is that modern day kids love all that hi-tech gizmo stuff. It's not quite like the old days. LOL

Tyrant!!

Jezie · 10-08-2015, 07:31 PM

You are forced to... Really? Why can she not have any say in her body... The only one forced to do anything is her.... Sad ...

whatdidyousay! · 10-08-2015, 07:44 PM

Why are you forcing your child to feel difference , it's hard enough being teenager today and not allowing her to talk to her friends is down right cruel ! I think this is the most horrible thing you can do your teenage daughter force her to feel difference . Have you even tried putting
yourself in your daughter's place for even one minute ?? This is one of most upsetting thread I see here . I really horrible for your child , you're too blind to see what you're doing to her !

**shel90** · 10-08-2015, 08:00 PM

I can totally understand! I was forced into being mainstreamed with all hearing peers and forced to wear a FM system. I purposely found ways to not wear it by not charging it, breaking the mic and etc...finally the school gave up after months of fighting with me to wear it. Who wants to feel different when they aren't ready to accept it. Don't punish her pls. She is having an identity crisis and is in a very vulnerable state of mind. Believe me I was there 30 years ago and it was HELL!!!

hoichi · 10-08-2015, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Condor1970

Well, after having an implant for about 5 months now, my daughter has milked this enough. The Audie said she has only been wearing it for about an hour a day, which is not enough to get it to work properly. I kept wondering why she hasn't been improving like she should be expected to. Well, she's been taking it off in school, because she doesn't want to feel different, and when she gets home, she wears it, but has it turned off to make it look like she has had it on, but didn't. Then, she takes it off for the rest of the night saying that she is tired, and having it on all day in school is fatiguing, which of course now I know she hasn't even been wearing it.

Well, I warned her.

Unfortunately, now she has lost all internet privileges for the next 6 weeks until the next office visit. No cell phone, no computer for internet to play games on. If she doesn't have enough hours of use logged when we go back, the phone stays confiscated.

I hate doing these things, but I am forced to. She basically, lied to all of use for months. So, there will be consequences to her actions. If she has to learn the hard way, so be it. Besides, she's addicted to texting on that stupid cell phone, and playing internet games anyway.

Teenagers!

Funny thing is, now that she has been forced to wear it in school, a couple kids have asked what it is, and how it works. Their only response, "Oh, that is so cool". She's kind of a shy girl, but now she's getting more friendly attention than ever, when she thought she would be picked on. What she doesn't realize, is that modern day kids love all that hi-tech gizmo stuff. It's not quite like the old days. LOL

Does your daughter sign?
Or is she learning sign?

drphil · 10-08-2015, 08:25 PM

Is there something else involved?

When she disconnects her Cochlear Implant presumably she hears nothing How exactly does that square with "fitting in" with her hearing friends? Does she use ASL?
Do all her friends know and use ASL as well?

Was she not advised in order for her brain to "process sound from her Implant" she must have it on all the time for her brain to get used to new sound?

Was she "excited" about getting a Cochlear implant thus hoping if suitable-of hearing much more speech- then she heard in the past?

Even odder-most females can "cover their Implants" while most males can't-it is very obvious.

Whether 15 is "adulthood" is your area thus has/had some "say" on the operation- I can't say.

I suspect there is a lot more to this situation which can't exactly "spelled out" in this forum. On the face of it perhaps extended discussion with the "appropriate health person" psychologist etc-may give insight on the immediate situation.

Much luck in a resolution in the near future which brings some peace.

**shel90** · 10-08-2015, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drphil

Is there something else involved?

When she disconnects her Cochlear Implant presumably she hears nothing How exactly does that square with "fitting in" with her hearing friends? Does she use ASL?
Do all her friends know and use ASL as well?

Was she not advised in order for her brain to "process sound from her Implant" she must have it on all the time for her brain to get used to new sound?

Was she "excited" about getting a Cochlear implant thus hoping if suitable-of hearing much more speech- then she heard in the past?

Even odder-most females can "cover their Implants" while most males can't-it is very obvious.

Whether 15 is "adulthood" is your area thus has/had some "say" on the operation- I can't say.

I suspect there is a lot more to this situation which can't exactly "spelled out" in this forum. On the face of it perhaps extended discussion with the "appropriate health person" psychologist etc-may give insight on the immediate situation.

Much luck in a resolution in the near future which brings some peace.

What was described in the OP, it was eerily similar to what I went through in middle school with the FM.

Condor1970 · 10-08-2015, 09:13 PM

First off, she desperately wants to hear, but she is not motivated to do what is necessary to make that happen. She is an incredible student in school, and wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She has the grades to do it too. I even talked about this with both doctors, and they agree. She wore it last year in middle school, but now she's in High School, and she had this weird idea in her head that people actually care about it, like she's a freak or something, which of course she isn't, and absolutely no one gives her a hard time about it. If anything, all the kids think it's pretty cool.

And no, I didn't push her for months. I gave her so much leeway, she has wasted everything to this point. Now is the time to step in and correct the problem. It's called parenting.

And yes, she is learning ASL, but only because she likes it as a back up, not because she wants to use it as her primary means of communicating.

At 15yo, I do have the authority to make decisions about her life. That's called parenting. It boggles my mind when people think a child is actually truly capable of making these kinds of decisions. Should they have a part? Of course, but the ultimate decision is mine. When she is a legal adult living on her own, then she has every right to live her life as she chooses. If people on here don't like it, that's too dang bad!!! Grow up. You can take your liberal Dr. Spock garbage and toss it in the trash. I love my children, and care for them a lot more than anyone on here, so don't patronize me with all this garbage about her making these kinds of decisions, because she is still a child, whether you think so or not.

Have your own children and find out what happens when you, the doctors, nurses, school district, and everyone associated spent months fighting to get this for her when she begged for it, and you have over $100,000 spent on insurance to make it happen.

Especially when she begged and pleaded for it, because she wants to go to the same school.

She was fully aware of the commitment involved when this process started. There is no going back.
When you make a commitment to something, you stick to it, even if you have to tough it out a bit. One does not truly excel in life by simply walking away from a problem every time you don't "feel" good for a little while. This is what's wrong with our society today. No conviction, No discipline, and a complete breakdown of real parenting. I fully understand her feelings, because I was a bullied skinny little kid in school. But, I didn't become a nuclear engineer by complaining about other kids picking on me, or having stay up every night to study, because I was tired, or didn't feel good. I did it anyway, because I needed to, in order to succeed. If I made every decision in my life based on simply how I felt when I pouted, I'd be living in a dumpster on welfare.

I'm not here to be her best friend. I'm here to be her parent.

btw, she didn't like the FM system either, because it bothered her. She did well in school anyway without it. Now she is almost completely deaf, and she begged to get this CI so she can stay in school without any other means needed to accommodate her. Well, if that's what she wants (and it still is, btw), she needs to have the discipline to get it. As her father, I will make sure she gets what she wants. It's all about the end game, not about how you feel at the moment.

Is she ticked off at me? Well, yeah. I would be too when I was 15. So what? After a good long talk, she understands she brought on her banishment from the internet by her own laziness, not mine. BTW, she is ADDICTED to the internet, and she is already understanding she needs to do this. She has been horribly unfocused for months, but just a good prodding is finally getting her head back on straight. In fact when I told her I fully understand, because she is pig headed and stubborn.... like me... she laughed, because she knows she is her fathers daughter.

rockin'robin · 10-08-2015, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Condor1970

First off, she desperately wants to hear, but she is not motivated to do what is necessary to make that happen. She is an incredible student in school, and wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She has the grades to do it too. I even talked about this with both doctors, and they agree. She wore it last year in middle school, but now she's in High School, and she had this weird idea in her head that people actually care about it, like she's a freak or something, which of course she isn't, and absolutely no one gives her a hard time about it. If anything, all the kids think it's pretty cool.

And yes, she is learning ASL, but only because she likes it as a back up, not because she wants to use it as her primary means of communicating.

At 15yo, I do have the authority to make decisions about her life. That's called parenting. It boggles my mind when people think a child is actually truly capable of making these kinds of decisions. Should they have a part? Of course, but the ultimate decision is mine. When she is a legal adult living on her own, then she has every right to live her life as she chooses. If people on here don't like it, that's too dang bad!!! Grow up. You can take your liberal Dr. Spock garbage and toss it in the trash. I love my children, and care for them a lot more than anyone on here, so don't patronize me with all this garbage about her making these kinds of decisions, because she is still a child, whether you think so or not.

Have your own children and find out what happens when you, the doctors, nurses, school district, and everyone associated spent months fighting to get this for her when she begged for it, and you have over $100,000 spent on insurance to make it happen.

Especially when she begged and pleaded for it, because she wants to go to the same school.

She was fully aware of the commitment involved when this process started. There is no going back.
When you make a commitment to something, you stick to it, even if you have to tough it out a bit. One does not truly excel in life by simply walking away from a problem every time you don't "feel" good for a little while. This is what's wrong with our society today. No conviction, No discipline, and a complete breakdown of real parenting. I fully understand her feelings, because I was a bullied skinny little kid in school. But, I didn't become a nuclear engineer by complaining about other kids picking on me, or having stay up every night to study, because I was tired, or didn't feel good. I did it anyway, because I needed to, in order to succeed. If I made every decision in my life based on simply how I felt when I pouted, I'd be living in a dumpster on welfare.

I'm not here to be her best friend. I'm here to be her parent.

btw, she didn't like the FM system either, because it bothered her. She did well in school anyway without it. Now she is almost completely deaf, and she begged to get this CI so she can stay in school without any other means needed to accommodate her. Well, if that's what she wants (and it still is, btw), she needs to have the discipline to get it. As her father, I will make sure she gets what she wants. It's all about the end game, not about how you feel at the moment.

Is she ticked of at me. Well, yeah. So what? After a good long talk, she understands she brought on her banishment from the internet by her own laziness, not mine. BTW, she is ADDICTED to the internet, and she is already understanding she needs to do this. She has been horribly unfocused for months, but just a good prodding is finally getting her head back on straight. In fact when I told her I fully understand, because she is pig headed and stubborn.... like me... she laughed, because she knows she is her fathers daughter.

I agree with you!

**Bottesini** · 10-08-2015, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Condor1970

First off, she desperately wants to hear, but she is not motivated to do what is necessary to make that happen. She is an incredible student in school, and wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She has the grades to do it too. I even talked about this with both doctors, and they agree. She wore it last year in middle school, but now she's in High School, and she had this weird idea in her head that people actually care about it, like she's a freak or something, which of course she isn't, and absolutely no one gives her a hard time about it. If anything, all the kids think it's pretty cool.

And no, I didn't push her for months. I gave her so much leeway, she has wasted everything to this point. Now is the time to step in and correct the problem. It's called parenting.

And yes, she is learning ASL, but only because she likes it as a back up, not because she wants to use it as her primary means of communicating.

At 15yo, I do have the authority to make decisions about her life. That's called parenting. It boggles my mind when people think a child is actually truly capable of making these kinds of decisions. Should they have a part? Of course, but the ultimate decision is mine. When she is a legal adult living on her own, then she has every right to live her life as she chooses. If people on here don't like it, that's too dang bad!!! Grow up. You can take your liberal Dr. Spock garbage and toss it in the trash. I love my children, and care for them a lot more than anyone on here, so don't patronize me with all this garbage about her making these kinds of decisions, because she is still a child, whether you think so or not.

Have your own children and find out what happens when you, the doctors, nurses, school district, and everyone associated spent months fighting to get this for her when she begged for it, and you have over $100,000 spent on insurance to make it happen.

Especially when she begged and pleaded for it, because she wants to go to the same school.

She was fully aware of the commitment involved when this process started. There is no going back.
When you make a commitment to something, you stick to it, even if you have to tough it out a bit. One does not truly excel in life by simply walking away from a problem every time you don't "feel" good for a little while. This is what's wrong with our society today. No conviction, No discipline, and a complete breakdown of real parenting. I fully understand her feelings, because I was a bullied skinny little kid in school. But, I didn't become a nuclear engineer by complaining about other kids picking on me, or having stay up every night to study, because I was tired, or didn't feel good. I did it anyway, because I needed to, in order to succeed. If I made every decision in my life based on simply how I felt when I pouted, I'd be living in a dumpster on welfare.

I'm not here to be her best friend. I'm here to be her parent.

btw, she didn't like the FM system either, because it bothered her. She did well in school anyway without it. Now she is almost completely deaf, and she begged to get this CI so she can stay in school without any other means needed to accommodate her. Well, if that's what she wants (and it still is, btw), she needs to have the discipline to get it. As her father, I will make sure she gets what she wants. It's all about the end game, not about how you feel at the moment.

Is she ticked of at me. Well, yeah. So what? After a good long talk, she understands she brought on her banishment from the internet by her own laziness, not mine. BTW, she is ADDICTED to the internet, and she is already understanding she needs to do this. She has been horribly unfocused for months, but just a good prodding is finally getting her head back on straight. In fact when I told her I fully understand, because she is pig headed and stubborn.... like me... she laughed, because she knows she is her fathers daughter.

I did parent my kids with that liberal Dr Spock garbage, and they are incredibly successful, plus they don't hate me....

BleedingPurist · 10-08-2015, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Condor1970

First off, she desperately wants to hear, but she is not motivated to do what is necessary to make that happen. She is an incredible student in school, and wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She has the grades to do it too. I even talked about this with both doctors, and they agree. She wore it last year in middle school, but now she's in High School, and she had this weird idea in her head that people actually care about it, like she's a freak or something, which of course she isn't, and absolutely no one gives her a hard time about it. If anything, all the kids think it's pretty cool.

And no, I didn't push her for months. I gave her so much leeway, she has wasted everything to this point. Now is the time to step in and correct the problem. It's called parenting.

And yes, she is learning ASL, but only because she likes it as a back up, not because she wants to use it as her primary means of communicating.

At 15yo, I do have the authority to make decisions about her life. That's called parenting. It boggles my mind when people think a child is actually truly capable of making these kinds of decisions. Should they have a part? Of course, but the ultimate decision is mine. When she is a legal adult living on her own, then she has every right to live her life as she chooses. If people on here don't like it, that's too dang bad!!! Grow up. You can take your liberal Dr. Spock garbage and toss it in the trash. I love my children, and care for them a lot more than anyone on here, so don't patronize me with all this garbage about her making these kinds of decisions, because she is still a child, whether you think so or not.

Have your own children and find out what happens when you, the doctors, nurses, school district, and everyone associated spent months fighting to get this for her when she begged for it, and you have over $100,000 spent on insurance to make it happen.

Especially when she begged and pleaded for it, because she wants to go to the same school.

She was fully aware of the commitment involved when this process started. There is no going back.
When you make a commitment to something, you stick to it, even if you have to tough it out a bit. One does not truly excel in life by simply walking away from a problem every time you don't "feel" good for a little while. This is what's wrong with our society today. No conviction, No discipline, and a complete breakdown of real parenting. I fully understand her feelings, because I was a bullied skinny little kid in school. But, I didn't become a nuclear engineer by complaining about other kids picking on me, or having stay up every night to study, because I was tired, or didn't feel good. I did it anyway, because I needed to, in order to succeed. If I made every decision in my life based on simply how I felt when I pouted, I'd be living in a dumpster on welfare.

I'm not here to be her best friend. I'm here to be her parent.

btw, she didn't like the FM system either, because it bothered her. She did well in school anyway without it. Now she is almost completely deaf, and she begged to get this CI so she can stay in school without any other means needed to accommodate her. Well, if that's what she wants (and it still is, btw), she needs to have the discipline to get it. As her father, I will make sure she gets what she wants. It's all about the end game, not about how you feel at the moment.

Is she ticked of at me. Well, yeah. So what? After a good long talk, she understands she brought on her banishment from the internet by her own laziness, not mine. BTW, she is ADDICTED to the internet, and she is already understanding she needs to do this. She has been horribly unfocused for months, but just a good prodding is finally getting her head back on straight. In fact when I told her I fully understand, because she is pig headed and stubborn.... like me... she laughed, because she knows she is her fathers daughter.

This is definitely one of those things that she will thank you for down the line. Well done!

Condor1970 · 10-08-2015, 09:43 PM

Bottesini,

No, I do not hate you.

I'm not saying treat your kids badly, because that IS abuse. There is a big difference between discipline, and abuse. Discipline is invoked to provide focus, and proper behavior. But everyone's personality is different. Unconditional love, with no sense of consequences doesn't work in my family. Never has, never will. In fact, with most people it doesn't either. It can be a delicate balance when parenting. You have to know when to give them room, and when to put your foot down.

I didn't make it through boot camp with my Company Commander giving me unconditional love. LOL

dogmom · 10-09-2015, 10:25 AM

Condor1970

one little thing I will say here - in your most recent reply last night around 8ish, where in which you wrote among others that you "....understand her feelings...."

the question I have is - do you? are you deaf?

Jane B. · 10-09-2015, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogmom

Condor1970

one little thing I will say here - in your most recent reply last night around 8ish, where in which you wrote among others that you "....understand her feelings...."

the question I have is - do you? are you deaf?

I went back and re-read his post. I take him to be saying that he understands from having a fear of being picked on for something. Not that the something is the same thing nor does it need to be to feel that way.

caz · 10-09-2015, 10:50 AM

I found Dr Spoke great for my blood pressure I shoved it at bottom of my mattress raise me feet
I made sure I no treat my son the way I was as a kid abit common sense , he did ok smashing man great parent good doctor.
I honestly never punish him good disaplin know right from wrong.i accepted from age of 14 to 18 I proberly not understand him apart from got fiver mum which he could sign so well and I could lip read the answer was still no

**Reba** · 10-09-2015, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Condor1970

. . .
I didn't make it through boot camp with my Company Commander giving me unconditional love. LOL

Please remember, the relationship between your CC and you, and your daughter and you, are not the same thing. Your CC didn't love you, and you didn't love him, conditional or unconditional.

You should love your child, the only condition being the father-daughter relationship. That doesn't mean her behaviors won't have consequences. It means that despite the behavior and consequences the love will still be there. Withholding love should never be one of those consequences.

I'm a retired Vietnam-era Navy veteran (as is my husband), so I know about CC's and boot camp. I'm also a mother and grandmother, so I know about parent-child relationships, too. Believe me, they are not the same, nor they should be.

I'm a baby boomer, so I know about Dr. Spock but neither my parents nor I used him for our parental guidelines.

dogmom · 10-09-2015, 11:09 AM

I'm glad you wrote that Reba

caz · 10-09-2015, 11:13 AM

Can she talk to other kids in same position

**Reba** · 10-09-2015, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Condor1970

First off, she desperately wants to hear, but she is not motivated to do what is necessary to make that happen. . . She wore it last year in middle school, but now she's in High School, and she had this weird idea in her head that people actually care about it, like she's a freak or something, which of course she isn't, and absolutely no one gives her a hard time about it. If anything, all the kids think it's pretty cool.

Her motivation to hear may be strong but at this age the motivation to be one of the crowd may be even stronger. Sometimes what was acceptable during middle school years is all of a sudden totally unacceptable in high school. For some people, being noticed as "different" can be painful, even if it's a positive difference. A teen doesn't necessarily want to stand out, even for the best of reasons. The good news is, this is usually temporary, after some maturity takes place and "fitting in" gets put into perspective. At that time, her priorities should change.

Quote:

At 15yo, I do have the authority to make decisions about her life. That's called parenting. It boggles my mind when people think a child is actually truly capable of making these kinds of decisions. Should they have a part? Of course, but the ultimate decision is mine.

Of course you have the right to make the final decisions but the child's feelings should be taken into consideration, whenever possible.

Quote:

When she is a legal adult living on her own, then she has every right to live her life as she chooses. If people on here don't like it, that's too dang bad!!! Grow up. You can take your liberal Dr. Spock garbage and toss it in the trash. I love my children, and care for them a lot more than anyone on here, so don't patronize me with all this garbage about her making these kinds of decisions, because she is still a child, whether you think so or not.

You and I are life-long hearing people. No matter how much we might empathize with deaf and hoh people, we can't really feel what they feel. That's especially the case with those who were marginalized from infancy on just because their hearing and speech was "different." They spent their formative years standing out (and not in a good way). They have life experiences that influence their perspective and insight that they're trying to share with you. It has nothing to do with liberality or Dr. Spock. Their childhoods may not mirror your daughter's but you should still give respectful attention to what they offer.

Quote:

Have your own children and find out what happens when you, the doctors, nurses, school district, and everyone associated spent months fighting to get this for her when she begged for it, and you have over $100,000 spent on insurance to make it happen.

That's probably how my dad felt when he punished me for not wearing the hideous orthodontic neck device in public. I strongly wanted braces and straight teeth but I just as strongly didn't want to wear the awful and highly visible neck strap in public. So, I wore it at home only. That wasn't good enough for my dad, who thought I was blowing the whole treatment process. I had just turned 16, was in a new high school in a new state, and definitely not a popular kid (very introvert). So this was all I needed to look even dorkier. I could take punishment better than having my peers look at me weirdly. So, for the rest of the school year (several months) I couldn't watch TV at all (this was 1967), and when the family went on their weekly pizza outing I had to stay home alone. I know that it pained my dad to do this but he didn't know what else to do. (He was an electrical engineer working in aeronautics, private and government, and NASA--to him, my behavior wasn't logical.)

Obviously, I'm not comparing to a few years of inconvenience to a life long "difference" but only showing some similar family dynamics.

Quote:

She was fully aware of the commitment involved when this process started. There is no going back.

I don't think she wants to go back. I think she's going thru a life phase where her social position is taking a higher than usual priority. Sadly, at this age, it's common to think the world revolves around self and how everyone else is viewing self.

Quote:

When you make a commitment to something, you stick to it, even if you have to tough it out a bit. One does not truly excel in life by simply walking away from a problem every time you don't "feel" good for a little while. This is what's wrong with our society today. No conviction, No discipline, and a complete breakdown of real parenting.

I don't think she's walking away from her commitment; more like a detour but she can eventually get back on track.

Quote:

I fully understand her feelings, because I was a bullied skinny little kid in school. But, I didn't become a nuclear engineer by complaining about other kids picking on me, or having stay up every night to study, because I was tired, or didn't feel good. I did it anyway, because I needed to, in order to succeed. If I made every decision in my life based on simply how I felt when I pouted, I'd be living in a dumpster on welfare.

She isn't you, and you aren't her.

Have you told her about your childhood obstacles and how you overcame them? Did you tell it in a way that was positive and not in a way that made her feel lesser for not being you?

Quote:

I'm not here to be her best friend. I'm here to be her parent.

Of course. But you are a parent, not a Company Commander.

Quote:

btw, she didn't like the FM system either, because it bothered her. She did well in school anyway without it.

What's that tell you? Despite these bumps in the road, she CAN succeed, and she's proven it. Try to see the positive.

Quote:

Now she is almost completely deaf, and she begged to get this CI so she can stay in school without any other means needed to accommodate her. Well, if that's what she wants (and it still is, btw), she needs to have the discipline to get it. As her father, I will make sure she gets what she wants. It's all about the end game, not about how you feel at the moment.

Yes but it takes time. She's intelligent so she'll realize sooner or later what she needs to do, and adjust her behavior accordingly.

Quote:

Is she ticked off at me? Well, yeah. I would be too when I was 15. So what? After a good long talk, she understands she brought on her banishment from the internet by her own laziness, not mine. BTW, she is ADDICTED to the internet, and she is already understanding she needs to do this. She has been horribly unfocused for months, but just a good prodding is finally getting her head back on straight. In fact when I told her I fully understand, because she is pig headed and stubborn.... like me... she laughed, because she knows she is her fathers daughter.

Keep up the good long talks. I'm afraid digital addiction is seriously a problem for a whole generation.

**Bottesini** · 10-09-2015, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

Her motivation to hear may be strong but at this age the motivation to be one of the crowd may be even stronger. Sometimes what was acceptable during middle school years is all of a sudden totally unacceptable in high school. For some people, being noticed as "different" can be painful, even if it's a positive difference. A teen doesn't necessarily want to stand out, even for the best of reasons. The good news is, this is usually temporary, after some maturity takes place and "fitting in" gets put into perspective. At that time, her priorities should change.

Of course you have the right to make the final decisions but the child's feelings should be taken into consideration, whenever possible.

You and I are life-long hearing people. No matter how much we might empathize with deaf and hoh people, we can't really feel what they feel. That's especially the case with those who were marginalized from infancy on just because their hearing and speech was "different." They spent their formative years standing out (and not in a good way). They have life experiences that influence their perspective and insight that they're trying to share with you. It has nothing to do with liberality or Dr. Spock. Their childhoods may not mirror your daughter's but you should still give respectful attention to what they offer.

That's probably how my dad felt when he punished me for not wearing the hideous orthodontic neck device in public. I strongly wanted braces and straight teeth but I just as strongly didn't want to wear the awful and highly visible neck strap in public. So, I wore it at home only. That wasn't good enough for my dad, who thought I was blowing the whole treatment process. I had just turned 16, was in a new high school in a new state, and definitely not a popular kid (very introvert). So this was all I needed to look even dorkier. I could take punishment better than having my peers look at me weirdly. So, for the rest of the school year (several months) I couldn't watch TV at all (this was 1967), and when the family went on their weekly pizza outing I had to stay home alone. I know that it pained my dad to do this but he didn't know what else to do. (He was an electrical engineer working in aeronautics, private and government, and NASA--to him, my behavior wasn't logical.)

Obviously, I'm not comparing to a few years of inconvenience to a life long "difference" but only showing some similar family dynamics.

I don't think she wants to go back. I think she's going thru a life phase where her social position is taking a higher than usual priority. Sadly, at this age, it's common to think the world revolves around self and how everyone else is viewing self.

I don't think she's walking away from her commitment; more like a detour but she can eventually get back on track.

She isn't you, and you aren't her.

Have you told her about your childhood obstacles and how you overcame them? Did you tell it in a way that was positive and not in a way that made her feel lesser for not being you?

Of course. But you are a parent, not a Company Commander.

What's that tell you? Despite these bumps in the road, she CAN succeed, and she's proven it. Try to see the positive.

Yes but it takes time. She's intelligent so she'll realize sooner or later what she needs to do, and adjust her behavior accordingly.

Keep up the good long talks. I'm afraid digital addiction is seriously a problem for a whole generation.

Reba , this is my favorite post you ever made .

whatdidyousay! · 10-09-2015, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

Her motivation to hear may be strong but at this age the motivation to be one of the crowd may be even stronger. Sometimes what was acceptable during middle school years is all of a sudden totally unacceptable in high school. For some people, being noticed as "different" can be painful, even if it's a positive difference. A teen doesn't necessarily want to stand out, even for the best of reasons. The good news is, this is usually temporary, after some maturity takes place and "fitting in" gets put into perspective. At that time, her priorities should change.

Of course you have the right to make the final decisions but the child's feelings should be taken into consideration, whenever possible.

You and I are life-long hearing people. No matter how much we might empathize with deaf and hoh people, we can't really feel what they feel. That's especially the case with those who were marginalized from infancy on just because their hearing and speech was "different." They spent their formative years standing out (and not in a good way). They have life experiences that influence their perspective and insight that they're trying to share with you. It has nothing to do with liberality or Dr. Spock. Their childhoods may not mirror your daughter's but you should still give respectful attention to what they offer.

That's probably how my dad felt when he punished me for not wearing the hideous orthodontic neck device in public. I strongly wanted braces and straight teeth but I just as strongly didn't want to wear the awful and highly visible neck strap in public. So, I wore it at home only. That wasn't good enough for my dad, who thought I was blowing the whole treatment process. I had just turned 16, was in a new high school in a new state, and definitely not a popular kid (very introvert). So this was all I needed to look even dorkier. I could take punishment better than having my peers look at me weirdly. So, for the rest of the school year (several months) I couldn't watch TV at all (this was 1967), and when the family went on their weekly pizza outing I had to stay home alone. I know that it pained my dad to do this but he didn't know what else to do. (He was an electrical engineer working in aeronautics, private and government, and NASA--to him, my behavior wasn't logical.)

Obviously, I'm not comparing to a few years of inconvenience to a life long "difference" but only showing some similar family dynamics.

I don't think she wants to go back. I think she's going thru a life phase where her social position is taking a higher than usual priority. Sadly, at this age, it's common to think the world revolves around self and how everyone else is viewing self.

I don't think she's walking away from her commitment; more like a detour but she can eventually get back on track.

She isn't you, and you aren't her.

Have you told her about your childhood obstacles and how you overcame them? Did you tell it in a way that was positive and not in a way that made her feel lesser for not being you?

Of course. But you are a parent, not a Company Commander.

What's that tell you? Despite these bumps in the road, she CAN succeed, and she's proven it. Try to see the positive.

Yes but it takes time. She's intelligent so she'll realize sooner or later what she needs to do, and adjust her behavior accordingly.

Keep up the good long talks. I'm afraid digital addiction is seriously a problem for a whole generation.

I wish we had a 'greatpost' too !

dogmom · 10-09-2015, 12:34 PM

not enough "likes" for that one, Reba

!!

hoichi · 10-09-2015, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Condor1970

Bottesini,

No, I do not hate you.

I'm not saying treat your kids badly, because that IS abuse. There is a big difference between discipline, and abuse. Discipline is invoked to provide focus, and proper behavior. But everyone's personality is different. Unconditional love, with no sense of consequences doesn't work in my family. Never has, never will. In fact, with most people it doesn't either. It can be a delicate balance when parenting. You have to know when to give them room, and when to put your foot down.

I didn't make it through boot camp with my Company Commander giving me unconditional love. LOL

Boot camp? Really...
Is that what paranting is to you?
Damn

dogmom · 10-09-2015, 12:41 PM

Jane, you're not getting it, If you like, see Reba's post-

Jane B. · 10-09-2015, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogmom

Condor1970

one little thing I will say here - in your most recent reply last night around 8ish, where in which you wrote among others that you "....understand her feelings...."

the question I have is - do you? are you deaf?

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogmom

Jane, you're not getting it, If you like, see Reba's post-

What I thought my post addressed was that he could understand from being picked on about something it has nothing to do with if that something was being deaf or not! Just that there was something for both of them.

I could not see that Reba's post was really different on that point than mine.

whatdidyousay! · 10-09-2015, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BleedingPurist

This is definitely one of those things that she will thank you for down the line. Well done!

And you can stop with your generalization ! I am a baby boomer and my mom didn't have one 'how to bring baby book' in the house and either did I with my baby ! The only Spock I grew up with was Mr. Spock.

Frisky Feline · 10-09-2015, 01:26 PM

being a parent is a lot of FUN. eh..

caz · 10-09-2015, 01:41 PM

sometimes things get over analized

10-08-2015, 07:08 PM	#2
Bottesini Old Deaf Ranter Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: HFA Posts: 43,008 Blog Entries: 2 Likes: 1,696 Liked 1,718 Times in 935 Posts	It seems like it must be more than just wanting to fit in, if she turns it off and takes it off at home as well. A fifteen year old should have some say over what happens to their own body. __________________

10-08-2015, 07:44 PM	#5
whatdidyousay! Registered User Join Date: May 2009 Location: Earth Posts: 25,950 Likes: 2,669 Liked 1,484 Times in 1,150 Posts	Why are you forcing your child to feel difference , it's hard enough being teenager today and not allowing her to talk to her friends is down right cruel ! I think this is the most horrible thing you can do your teenage daughter force her to feel difference . Have you even tried putting yourself in your daughter's place for even one minute ?? This is one of most upsetting thread I see here . I really horrible for your child , you're too blind to see what you're doing to her ! __________________ Mark England December 6, 1983 ~ February 15, 2015 RIP Mark , You'll not be forgotten .

10-09-2015, 10:50 AM	#17
caz Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,046 Likes: 510 Liked 520 Times in 412 Posts	I found Dr Spoke great for my blood pressure I shoved it at bottom of my mattress raise me feet I made sure I no treat my son the way I was as a kid abit common sense , he did ok smashing man great parent good doctor. I honestly never punish him good disaplin know right from wrong.i accepted from age of 14 to 18 I proberly not understand him apart from got fiver mum which he could sign so well and I could lip read the answer was still no __________________ HELLO!

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10-08-2015, 07:31 PM	#4
Jezie Registered User Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Georgia Posts: 1,613 Likes: 168 Liked 312 Times in 236 Posts	You are forced to... Really? Why can she not have any say in her body... The only one forced to do anything is her.... Sad ...

10-09-2015, 10:25 AM	#15
dogmom Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 7,731 Likes: 381 Liked 403 Times in 263 Posts	Condor1970 one little thing I will say here - in your most recent reply last night around 8ish, where in which you wrote among others that you "....understand her feelings...." the question I have is - do you? are you deaf?

10-09-2015, 12:41 PM	#26
dogmom Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 7,731 Likes: 381 Liked 403 Times in 263 Posts	Jane, you're not getting it, If you like, see Reba's post-

10-09-2015, 01:26 PM	#29
Frisky Feline Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 26,134 Likes: 462 Liked 588 Times in 362 Posts	being a parent is a lot of FUN. eh..