I Googled Love

by Melissa on April 5, 2011

in Love

Yes I did. There, I admitted it. I was looking for inspiration for this post. And what I found was pages and pages of quotes about love. Thousands of different points of view. Dozens of reflections on every page.

But who says what love is or isn’t?

I say that my husband loves me because he will get up in the middle of the night to turn the fan off because I am cold. And I say my mother loves me because she insists on paying for lunch, every freaking time.

But is that love?

There was a time when my Mum paying for lunch drove me around the bend. I thought she was saying that she had to look after me. Still. That I couldn’t afford lunch for us both. That I was a failure as a grown up. And that is one a heck of a side order of blah to have with lunch.

And one day someone commented on how lucky I was to have such a generous and giving mother. A mother who obviously loved me to bits. Who wanted to give me everything she could. As often as she could. And it changed my perspective. I saw her urge to provide and pay as an act of love. As her way of expressing her love to me.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking… Great! Lucky you, but my Mum is a cow. Well it might be harder to see the act of love when the situation is not as rosy as being taken out for lunch. BUT. It’s still possible.

One day when I was 18 and my father told me that I was putting on weight. He reminded me of the effort I had made in the past to lose weight and didn’t want me to have to do it again. Despite the 10kg’s I had recently gained I choose to ignore him and see it as critical, hurtful, and unloving. Ten years and many, many more kilo’s later I look back on that conversation and see that love was the intention behind that*. He was concerned for me. For my health. Because he loved me.

Love’s acts of generosity are everywhere. You just have to have your eyes open for them. Look for the teacher that pushes because he believes in you beyond what you see for yourself. The sister that give unsolicited advice because she never wants her little sister to hurt like she did… Consider that when it comes down to it, you don’t tell someone who you don’t give two hoots about to wear sunscreen so they don’t get burned.

Do you? Of course you don’t.


*You should never feel abused or put down or diminished in order to feel loved. That is a whooooole other conversation to the one I am having here. Some people are genuinely hurtful and will reduce your power in life. There’s no upside there. You know best where this line falls.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Kimmie April 5, 2011 at 6:27 am

Love this post! Great slant on how love arrives on our doorstep in many guises. Sometimes becaue of our own hang ups/mishbeliefs we totally miss and dont recognise the love. Sometimes it is not until years later when we have an ah-ha moment and go ahhh so that was him/her trying to show they care and that they loved me.


Melissa @Suger Coat It April 6, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Thank you Kimmie. I so believe that too often we miss other people trying to love us.


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