#ivy league insecurities RSS Feed ivy league insecurities Atom Feed ivy league insecurities >> Confession: I Googled My Ex Comments Feed ivy league insecurities Honeymoon Hangover A Decade Ago The No Spouse Zone * Main Campus * Meet the Prof * ABC's of Insecurity * LIFE AFTER YES * Link and Learn Confession: I Googled My Ex posted in: Daily Grind, Health & Happiness, Online & Onscreen, The Fam, The Home Front * 12 * 07 * 11 Yes. I did. And I'm woman enough to admit it. (Are you?) Here's the setup: I was home. Husband was out at his company holiday party to which I, ahem, was not invited. (Stay tuned for future post on this one.) My face was swollen and beautifully black and blue from an intense bout of gum surgery. The girls were sleeping. I was bored. Not yet ready to call it a night. And so. I went - where else? To Facebook. I saw an update from an old college friend. The update was about how her little girl was in the hospital over the Thanksgiving holiday. Of course I was interested. I clicked on through. And suddenly I was glimpsing this family's world. Their struggles. Their strengths. Their sweet little kids. And then, suddenly, I was looking at pictures from their twins' recent birthday party. And there was a picture of another guy I knew in college. A nice guy. A guy I always liked. And it took me a while to think of it this way, but soon enough I did: These were my ex's friends. Sure, they were my friends too, but they came by way of him and his team and his connections. So of course I was suddenly thinking about him. Wondering where he is. And so. I looked him up on Facebook. And I was bizarrely relieved to see that he wasn't there (or that I couldn't find him). But then I took this one step further: I Googled him. And suddenly I was face to face with his Linked In profile. It was him. It was his resume. It seems that he has been up to wonderful things professionally, and he appears to be quite successful. I'm happy to know this. Even though I have not seen this guy or spoken to him in a very long time, he was an important character in my story and I genuinely hope he is well and happy. That's it. Hardly a salacious little story. But I felt a bit weird after this. When Husband came home from his party, I promptly confessed that I Googled The Ex. I told him what I learned. He smiled. A sweet smile. A smiled that said: So what? You're silly. Have you ever Googled your exes? Come on, be honest. Funny stories? Share `em. Do you find Facebook and its brethren Internet technologies to be at once amazing and alarming? **As I mentioned yesterday, I am trying to make a genuine effort to plug back in here, to achieve that old school Aidan interactiveness or some approximation thereof. So leave a comment and I will come find you or respond. And, again, I am looking for ideas for additions to my upcoming edited blogroll.** Share and Enjoy: * Twitter * Facebook * Digg * Sphinn * del.icio.us * Google Bookmarks * email * LinkedIn * Live * MySpace * Tumblr * FriendFeed * Global Grind * Propeller * Reddit * StumbleUpon * Yahoo! Bookmarks * Yahoo! Buzz * 25 Comments 25 Comments for: "Confession: I Googled My Ex" 1. December 7, 2011 at 7:44 am Alicia Nope havent goggled my ex. Its because I don't have to. My mom ran into my ex at her doctors appointment and was so surprised to see him that when her appt was over she promptly called me to fill me in. I was glad to hear he was well, but beyond that I didn't really care! There is a reason he is in my past and not my present! Reply + December 7, 2011 at 7:54 am Aidan Donnelley Rowley Isn't it interesting how other people always seem to run into your ex but you don't? Most of my friends have crossed paths with my ex - on the street, subway, in a restaurant, etc - but I never have. Bizarre. And was talking to my friend the other day who said the exact same thing about her ex-fiance. Funnily enough, I ran into this ex-fiance on the morning of my friend's bachelorette party! (She is now happily married avec two darling kiddos.) Curious how life works, no? Reply 2. December 7, 2011 at 10:26 am Emily M Because my most significant ex and I share the same best friend from college (a wonderful guy who of course, was in his life first), I have never had a need to Google him either. We are Facebook friends as well, in spite of having no contact for many years now. It's sometimes a bit strange to learn of his wife's recent pregnancy or see pictures of their wedding. But now, it is more like looking at the life of a stranger - which I guess is what he really is now. Reply + December 7, 2011 at 5:48 pm Aidan Donnelley Rowley Isn't one of the strangest, and sometimes most wonderful, aspects of Facebook and other technology? Namely that we can peer through windows into the worlds of others, others we know well, or once knew well, others we know very little? This last aspect alarms me too, that we are able to glimpse aspects of lives and identities of which we play no part in the "real world." On the one hand, there appears to be a stalker element to this, but then again, people are posting these things, these pictures, these details, knowing very well that they will be viewed by basically perfect strangers. So interesting (and bizarre and sometimes concerning) in my estimation... Reply 3. December 7, 2011 at 10:44 am Amanda I have a confession to make...is it weird that solely based on this blog of your's, I think Husband is a sweetie pie? Before I even got to the end, I said to myself, "Husband will be fine with this, he is not a jealous man" LOL Reply + December 7, 2011 at 5:52 pm Aidan Donnelley Rowley I love this comment. Thank you. In the beginning, when Husband and I were first together, I honestly wished he could muster a bit more jealousy. But now? Now I love how secure he is. And rightfully so. And poor guy? I tell him EVERYTHING. I would not be able to keep a secret - even a silly, innocuous one - if I tried. I guess this is good, no? Also another good blog topic, I think. How honest are we in our marriages, in our relationships, in our lives? Is there such thing as excessive honesty? Reply 4. December 7, 2011 at 1:47 pm Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri You know what I love? That after all the years between you and your hubby and three children later, you can have a silly moment between the two of you. Love it. Reply + December 7, 2011 at 5:53 pm Aidan Donnelley Rowley Silly moments are gold, no? Especially when so much of adult life is beige and serious, right? That's my take :) Reply 5. December 7, 2011 at 2:48 pm Erica@PinesLakeRedhead A couple of years ago, a friend and I were talking about our first loves. We dared each other to look up our old boyfriends on Facebook and send a message. Hers never replied but mine did. My "ex" and I have become friends as fellow parents. I value this friendship more than I ever did when we were college students without a clue. Reply + December 7, 2011 at 6:04 pm Aidan Donnelley Rowley I think this is interesting and wonderful. I have some good friends who are really close and genuinely platonic with their exes. This baffles me to be honest. I think it seems complicated and unwieldy. But, on some level, I wish it could always work this way. That we could transition from romance to friendship seamlessly and simply. I wonder how many people can do this? Reply 6. December 7, 2011 at 2:52 pm Jack@TheJackB I run in the same circles with several of my exes so I know what they are doing. Mr. Facebook often suggests that I friend them so I suspect that every so often they get a similar message. However in the spirit of this post I can say that I looked up a former friend with benefits. Was just curious to see what they were about. Found out that she has three kids and seems to be living a nice life. Sent her a friendly note on FB saying that I hoped she was well and received a `Hope you are well too, I am not interested in being friends' reply. Since I hadn't sent a friend request I didn't care much one way or the other.. Reply + December 7, 2011 at 9:10 pm Aidan Donnelley Rowley Hmm. Doesn't the "not interested in being friends" thing even pique your interest more? I mean if you are really beyond someone wouldn't you not care? I think this is why I felt okay about posting this little piece. Because the truth is I really am just curious, you know? This world of technology really allows us to indulge in our curiosities, too. Not sure whether this is a good thing? Reply 7. December 7, 2011 at 2:57 pm Titanium I avoid Facebook as much as is humanly possible, mostly because I prefer face to face communication, meaningful interaction and in-depth conversation. Social networking has its place (as does Google), but if I need to know what someone from another lifetime is up to, I use the tools of the trade to get serious beta. Do come on over for a visit to the blog, though... you've been missed. Your comments and insight are always, always welcome! :) Reply + December 7, 2011 at 9:12 pm Aidan Donnelley Rowley I could not agree more. Social media has its limits. But it is also quite handy for a quick lookup, no? :) Looking forward to reading your words again. Has been nutty around here! Reply 8. December 7, 2011 at 5:33 pm Marie@feedingfive No I couldn't do it. But I hear through the grapevine he's doing well which makes me happy even though things didn't end on a good note with us. With age comes wisdom and apparently forgiveness. Reply + December 7, 2011 at 9:12 pm Aidan Donnelley Rowley Isn't it amazing that time and experience brings us way beyond where we once were? Wisdom, yes. Forgiveness, indeed. Thank goodness. Reply 9. December 7, 2011 at 5:39 pm Bella Michelle Yes...gulp, I have. There, I said it! LOL Reply + December 7, 2011 at 5:42 pm Aidan Donnelley Rowley Sometimes, it's just good to admit it, no? :) Isn't it really fascinating how technology has changed the landscape of relationships and their aftermath? I think so. Reply 10. December 7, 2011 at 7:59 pm Emma Which ex? :-) Yes, I have googled multiple exes. I am not in touch with any of them, though my college ex's little sister is now my nephews' nanny (follow that?). It seemed a little bizarre at first, but she's an amazing woman and my nephews are lucky to have her! Reply + December 7, 2011 at 9:18 pm Aidan Donnelley Rowley Love that I am not alone! And that is a very tricky connection to follow :) Reply 11. December 7, 2011 at 9:46 pm Angela They say confession is good for the soul......YES I'm so guilty, but then we are still friends to a degree, so maybe that doesn't count or does it? Reply 12. December 7, 2011 at 11:03 pm San I don't have to google my Ex, because we're still loosely keeping up with one another :) I love to know that he's happy and I think it's a nice thought for you to know as well. Silly or not :) Reply 13. December 8, 2011 at 7:30 am ayala I love that he smiled at you that way.... Reply 14. December 9, 2011 at 1:25 am Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla I haven't googled my ex-husband because he's pretty uninteresting but I googled my childhood boyfriend while I was in the final stages of writing my book and doing the name changes. I knew he was an attorney but I was surprised to find out that he'd become a judge and was now running for a higher circuit court bench! There's also an ex-boyfriend of mine (I use the term loosely) from high school who is friends with my some of my friends, and yet whom I've never friended nor received a friend request from. It just feels like the day it ended (whatever "it" was), it ended and, even though it's been decades I have no interest in ever knowing him again. 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