Chapter I Down the Rabbit-Hole # Alice be begin to get very tired of sit by her sister on the bank, and of have nothing to do: once or twice she have peep into the book her sister be reading, but it have no picture or conversation in it, "and what be the use of a book," think Alice "without picture or conversation?" # so she be consider in her own mind (as well as she could, for the hot day make her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of make a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of get up and pick the daisy, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eye run close by her. # There be nothing so very remarkable in that; nor do Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "oh dear! oh dear! I shall be late!" (when she think it over afterwards, it occur to her that she ought to have wonder at this, but at the time it all seem quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually take a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and look at it, and then hurried on, Alice start to her foot, for it flash across her mind that she have never before see a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she run across the field after it, and fortunately be just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. # in another moment down go Alice after it, never once consider how in the world she be to get out again. # the rabbit-hole go straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dip suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice have not a moment to think about stop herself before she find herself fall down a very deep well. # either the well be very deep, or she fall very slowly, for she have plenty of time as she go down to look about her and to wonder what be go to happen next. First, she try to look down and make out what she be come to, but it be too dark to see anything; then she look at the side of the well, and notice that they be fill with cupboard and book-shelf; here and there she see map and picture hang upon peg. she take down a jar from one of the shelf as she pass; it be label "Orange MARMALADE", but to her great disappointment it be empty: she do not like to drop the jar for fear of kill somebody, so manage to put it into one of the cupboard as she fall past it. # "Well!" thought Alice to herself, "after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumble down stair! How brave they'll all think me at home! why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fall off the top of the house!" (which be very likely true.) # Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end! "I wonder how many mile I've fall by this time?" she say aloud. "I must be get somewhere near the centre of the earth. let me see: that would be four thousand mile down, I think--" (for, you see, Alice have learn several thing of this sort in her lesson in the schoolroom, and though this be not a very good opportunity for show off her knowledge, as there be no one to listen to her, still it be good practice to say it over) "--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've get to?" (Alice have no idea what Latitude be, or Longitude either, but think they be nice grand word to say.) # Presently she begin again. "I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their head downward! the Antipathies, I think--" (she be rather glad there be no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) "--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country be, you know. Please, Ma'be, be this New Zealand or Australia?" (and she try to curtsey as she speak--fancy curtsey as you're fall through the air! do you think you could manage it?) "and what an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere." # Down, down, down. there be nothing else to do, so Alice soon begin talk again. "Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!" (Dinah be the cat.) "I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you be down here with me! There be no mouse in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that'S very like a mouse, you know. but do cat eat bat, I wonder?" and here Alice begin to get rather sleepy, and go on say to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, "do cat eat bat? do cat eat bat?" and sometimes, "do bat eat cat?" for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. she feel that she be doze off, and have just begin to dream that she be walk hand in hand with Dinah, and say to her very earnestly, "now, Dinah, tell me the truth: do you ever eat a bat?" when suddenly, thump! thump! down she come upon a heap of stick and dry leave, and the fall be over. # Alice be not a bit hurt, and she jump up on to her foot in a moment: she look up, but it be all dark overhead; before her be another long passage, and the White Rabbit be still in sight, hurry down it. there be not a moment to be lose: away go Alice like the wind, and be just in time to hear it say, as it turn a corner, "oh my ear and whisker, how late it's get!" she be close behind it when she turn the corner, but the Rabbit be no longer to be see: she find herself in a long, low hall, which be light up by a row of lamp hang from the roof. # There be door all round the hall, but they be all lock; and when Alice have be all the way down one side and up the other, try every door, she walk sadly down the middle, wonder how she be ever to get out again. # suddenly she come upon a little three-legged table, all make of solid glass; there be nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice's first think be that it might belong to one of the door of the hall; but, alas! either the lock be too large, or the key be too small, but at any rate it would not open any of them. however, on the second time round, she come upon a low curtain she have not noticed before, and behind it be a little door about fifteen inch high: she try the little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fit! # Alice open the door and find that it lead into a small passage, not much large than a rat-hole: she kneel down and look along the passage into the lovely garden you ever see. How she long to get out of that dark hall, and wander about among those bed of bright flower and those cool fountain, but she could not even get her head though the doorway; "and even if my head would go through," think poor Alice, "it would be of very little use without my shoulder. oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know how to begin." for, you see, so many out-of-the-way thing have happen lately, that Alice have begin to think that very few thing indeed be really impossible. # there seem to be no use in wait by the little door, so she go back to the table, half hope she might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rule for shut people up like telescope: this time she find a little bottle on it, ("which certainly be not here before," say Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle be a paper label, with the word "DRINK Me" beautifully printed on it in large letter. # it be all very well to say "Drink me," but the wise little Alice be not go to do that in a hurry. "No, I'll look first," she say, "and see whether it'S mark "poison" or not"; for she have read several nice little history about child who have get burnt, and eat up by wild beast and other unpleasant thing, all because they would not remember the simple rule their friend have teach them: such as, that a red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your finger very deeply with a knife, it usually bleed; and she have never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle mark "poison," it be almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later. # however, this bottle be not marked "poison," so Alice venture to taste it, and find it very nice, (it have, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot butter toast,) she very soon finish it off. # "What a curious feeling!" say Alice; "I must be shut up like a telescope." # and so it be indeed: she be now only ten inch high, and her face brighten up at the think that she be now the right size for go through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she wait for a few minute to see if she be go to shrink any further: she feel a little nervous about this; "for it might end, you know," say Alice to herself, "in my go out altogether, like a candle. I wonder what I should be like then?" and she try to fancy what the flame of a candle be like after the candle be blow out, for she could not remember ever have see such a thing. # after a while, find that nothing more happen, she decide on go into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she get to the door, she find she have forget the little golden key, and when she go back to the table for it, she find she could not possibly reach it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she try her good to climb up one of the leg of the table, but it be too slippery; and when she have tired herself out with try, the poor little thing sit down and cry. # "come, there's no use in cry like that!" say Alice to herself, rather sharply; "I advise you to leave off this minute!" she generally give herself very good advice, (though she very seldom follow it), and sometimes she scold herself so severely as to bring tear into her eye; and once she remember try to box her own ear for have cheat herself in a game of croquet she be play against herself, for this curious child be very fond of pretend to be two people. "but it's no use now," think poor Alice, "to pretend to be two people! why, there'S hardly enough of me leave to make one respectable person!" # soon her eye fall on a little glass box that be lie under the table: she open it, and find in it a very small cake, on which the word "EAT Me" be beautifully marked in currant. "Well, I'll eat it," say Alice, "and if it make me grow large, I can reach the key; and if it make me grow small, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll get into the garden, and I don't care which happen!" # she eat a little bit, and say anxiously to herself, "which way? which way?", holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it be grow, and she be quite surprised to find that she remain the same size: to be sure, this generally happen when one eat cake, but Alice have get so much into the way of expect nothing but out-of-the-way thing to happen, that it seem quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way. # so she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake. # Chapter II the Pool of Tears # "Curiouser and curious!" cry Alice (she be so much surprise, that for the moment she quite forget how to speak good English); "now I'm open out like the large telescope that ever be! good-bye, foot!" (for when she look down at her foot, they seem to be almost out of sight, they be get so far off). "oh, my poor little foot, I wonder who will put on your shoe and stocking for you now, dear? I'm sure I Shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself about you: you must manage the well way you can; --but I must be kind to them," think Alice, "or perhaps they won't walk the way I want to go! let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boot every Christmas." # and she go on planning to herself how she would manage it. "they must go by the carrier," she thought; "and how funny it'll seem, send present to one's own foot! and how odd the direction will look! # Alice'S Right Foot, ESQ. HEARTHRUG, Near THE Fender, (WITH Alice'S Love). # Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talk!" # just then her head strike against the roof of the hall: in fact she be now more than nine foot high, and she at once take up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door. # Poor Alice! it be as much as she could do, lie down on one side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through be more hopeless than ever: she sit down and begin to cry again. # "you ought to be ashamed of yourself," say Alice, "a great girl like you," (she might well say this), "to go on cry in this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!" but she go on all the same, shed gallon of tear, until there be a large pool all round her, about four inch deep and reach half down the hall. # after a time she hear a little patter of foot in the distance, and she hastily dry her eye to see what be come. it be the White Rabbit return, splendidly dress, with a pair of white kid glove in one hand and a large fan in the other: he come trot along in a great hurry, mutter to himself as he come, "oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! oh! won't she be savage if I've keep her waiting!" Alice feel so desperate that she be ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit come near her, she begin, in a low, timid voice, "if you please, sir--" the Rabbit start violently, drop the white kid glove and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go. # Alice take up the fan and glove, and, as the hall be very hot, she keep fan herself all the time she go on talk: "Dear, dear! How queer everything be to-day! and yesterday thing go on just as usual. I wonder if I've be changed in the night? let me think: be I the same when I get up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. but if I'm not the same, the next question be, who in the world be I? ah, that's the great puzzle!" and she begin think over all the child she know that be of the same age as herself, to see if she could have be changed for any of them. # "I'm sure I'm not Ada," she say, "for her hair go in such long ringlet, and mine doesn't go in ringlet at all; and I'm sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sort of thing, and she, oh! she know such a very little! besides, she's she, and I'm I, and--oh dear, how puzzling it all be! I'll try if I know all the thing I use to know. let me see: four time five be twelve, and four time six be thirteen, and four time seven be--oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate! however, the Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let'S try Geography. London be the capital of Paris, and Paris be the capital of Rome, and Rome--no, that's all wrong, I'm certain! I must have be changed for Mabel! I'll try and say "How do the little--" and she cross her hand on her lap as if she be say lesson, and begin to repeat it, but her voice sound hoarse and strange, and the word do not come the same as they use to do:-- # "How do the little crocodile Improve his shine tail, and pour the water of the Nile on every golden scale! # "How cheerfully he seem to grin, How neatly spread his claw, and welcome little fish in with gently smile jaw!" # How do the light-tle bus-y bee Im-prove each shin-ing hour, and gath-er Hon-ey all the day from Ev-ery open-ing flower! # How skill-ful-ly she build her cell! How neat-ly spread the wax! and la-Bors hard to store it well with the sweet food she make. # "I'm sure those be not the right word," say poor Alice, and her eye fill with tear again as she go on, "I must be Mabel after all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky little house, and have next to no toy to play with, and oh! ever so many lesson to learn! No, I've make up my mind about it; if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! it'll be no use their put their head down and say "come up again, dear!" I shall only look up and say "who be I then? tell me that first, and then, if I like be that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!" cry Alice, with a sudden burst of tear, "I do wish they would put their head down! I be so very tired of be all alone here!" # as she say this she look down at her hand, and be surprise to see that she have put on one of the Rabbit'S little white kid glove while she be talk. "How can I have do that?" she think. "I must be grow small again." she get up and go to the table to measure herself by it, and find that, as nearly as she could guess, she be now about two foot high, and be go on shrink rapidly: she soon find out that the cause of this be the fan she be holding, and she drop it hastily, just in time to avoid shrink away altogether. # "that be a narrow escape!" say Alice, a good deal frightened at the sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; "and now for the garden!" and she run with all speed back to the little door: but, alas! the little door be shut again, and the little golden key be lie on the glass table as before, "and thing be bad than ever," think the poor child, "for I never be so small as this before, never! and I declare it'S too bad, that it be!" # as she say these word her foot slip, and in another moment, splash! she be up to her chin in salt water. her first idea be that she have somehow fall into the sea, "and in that case I can go back by railway," she say to herself. (Alice have be to the seaside once in her life, and have come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find a number of bath machine in the sea, some child digging in the sand with wooden spade, then a row of lodge house, and behind them a railway station.) however, she soon make out that she be in the pool of tear which she have weep when she be nine foot high. # "I wish I hadn't cry so much!" say Alice, as she swim about, try to find her way out. "I shall be punish for it now, I suppose, by be drowned in my own tear! that will be a queer thing, to be sure! however, everything be queer to-day." # just then she hear something splash about in the pool a little way off, and she swim near to make out what it be: at first she think it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remember how small she be now, and she soon make out that it be only a mouse that have slip in like herself. # "Would it be of any use, now," think Alice, "to speak to this mouse? Everything be so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in try." so she begin: "O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I be very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse!" (Alice think this must be the right way of speak to a mouse: she have never do such a thing before, but she remember have see in her brother'S Latin Grammar, "a mouse--of a mouse--to a mouse--a mouse--O mouse!" the Mouse look at her rather inquisitively, and seem to her to wink with one of its little eye, but it say nothing. # "perhaps it doesn't understand English," think Alice; "I daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror." (for, with all her knowledge of history, Alice have no very clear notion how long ago anything have happen.) so she begin again: "Ou est ma chatte?" which be the first sentence in her French lesson-book. the Mouse give a sudden leap out of the water, and seem to quiver all over with fright. "oh, I beg your pardon!" cry Alice hastily, afraid that she have hurt the poor animal's feeling. "I quite forget you didn't like cat." # "not like cat!" cry the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. "Would you like cat if you be me?" # "Well, perhaps not," say Alice in a soothing tone: "don't be angry about it. and yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you'd take a fancy to cat if you could only see her. she be such a dear quiet thing," Alice go on, half to herself, as she swim lazily about in the pool, "and she sit purr so nicely by the fire, lick her paw and wash her face--and she be such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's such a capital one for catch mouse--oh, I beg your pardon!" cry Alice again, for this time the Mouse be bristle all over, and she feel certain it must be really offend. "we won't talk about her any more if you'd rather not." # "we indeed!" cry the Mouse, who be tremble down to the end of his tail. "as if I would talk on such a subject! our family always hate cat: nasty, low, vulgar thing! Don't let me hear the name again!" # "I won't indeed!" say Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of conversation. "be you--be you fond--of--of dog?" the Mouse do not answer, so Alice go on eagerly: "There be such a nice little dog near our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eye terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! and it'll fetch thing when you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sort of thing--I can't remember half of them--and it belong to a farmer, you know, and he say it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pound! he say it kill all the rat and--oh dear!" cry Alice in a sorrowful tone, "I'm afraid I've offend it again!" for the Mouse be swim away from her as hard as it could go, and make quite a commotion in the pool as it go. # so she call softly after it, "Mouse dear! do come back again, and we won't talk about cat or dog either, if you don't like them!" when the Mouse hear this, it turn round and swim slowly back to her: its face be quite pale (with passion, Alice think), and it say in a low tremble voice, "let us get to the shore, and then I'll tell you my history, and you'll understand why it be I hate cat and dog." # it be high time to go, for the pool be get quite crowded with the bird and animal that have fall into it: there be a Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an eaglet, and several other curious creature. Alice lead the way, and the whole party swim to the shore. # Chapter III A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale # they be indeed a queer-look party that assemble on the bank--the bird with draggle feather, the animal with their fur cling close to them, and all drip wet, cross, and uncomfortable. # the first question of course be, how to get dry again: they have a consultation about this, and after a few minute it seem quite natural to Alice to find herself talk familiarly with them, as if she have know them all her life. indeed, she have quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turn sulky, and would only say, "I be old than you, and must know good"; and this Alice would not allow without know how old it be, and, as the Lory positively refuse to tell its age, there be no more to be say. # at last the Mouse, who seem to be a person of authority among them, call out, "Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'll soon make you dry enough!" they all sit down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice keep her eye anxiously fix on it, for she feel sure she would catch a bad cold if she do not get dry very soon. # "ahem!" say the Mouse with an important air, "be you all ready? this be the dry thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William the Conqueror, whose cause be favour by the pope, be soon submit to by the English, who want leader, and have be of late much accustom to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earl of Mercia and Northumbria--" # "Ugh!" say the Lory, with a shiver. # "I beg your pardon!" say the Mouse, frown, but very politely: "do you speak?" # "not I!" say the Lory hastily. # "I think you do," say the Mouse. "--I proceed. "Edwin and Morcar, the earl of Mercia and Northumbria, declare for him: and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, find it advisable--" # "Found what?" say the duck. # "Found it," the Mouse reply rather crossly: "of course you know what "it" mean." # "I know what "it" mean well enough, when I find a thing," say the duck: "it'S generally a frog or a worm. the question be, what do the archbishop find?" # the Mouse do not notice this question, but hurriedly go on, "--find it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first be moderate. but the insolence of his Norman--" How be you get on now, my dear?" it continued, turn to Alice as it speak. # "as wet as ever," say Alice in a melancholy tone: "it doesn't seem to dry me at all." # "in that case," say the Dodo solemnly, rise to its foot, "I move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedy--" # "Speak English!" say the eaglet. "I don't know the meaning of half those long word, and, what'S more, I don't believe you do either!" and the eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other bird titter audibly. # "What I be go to say," say the Dodo in an offend tone, "be, that the well thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race." # "What be a Caucus-race?" say Alice; not that she want much to know, but the Dodo have pause as if it think that somebody ought to speak, and no one else seem inclined to say anything. # "why," say the Dodo, "the good way to explain it be to do it." (and, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo manage it.) # First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ("the exact shape doesn't matter," it say,) and then all the party be place along the course, here and there. there be no "One, two, three, and away," but they begin run when they like, and leave off when they like, so that it be not easy to know when the race be over. however, when they have be run half an hour or so, and be quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly call out "the race be over!" and they all crowded round it, pant, and ask, "but who have win?" # this question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, and it sit for a long time with one finger press upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the picture of him), while the rest wait in silence. at last the Dodo say, "Everybody have win, and all must have prise." # "but who be to give the prise?" quite a chorus of voice ask. # "why, she, of course," say the Dodo, point to Alice with one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, call out in a confused way, "prize! prise!" # Alice have no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her pocket, and pull out a box of comfit, (luckily the salt water have not get into it), and hand them round as prise. there be exactly one a-piece all round. # "but she must have a prise herself, you know," say the Mouse. # "of course," the Dodo reply very gravely. "What else have you get in your pocket?" he go on, turn to Alice. # "only a thimble," say Alice sadly. # "Hand it over here," say the Dodo. # then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly present the thimble, say "we beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble"; and, when it have finish this short speech, they all cheer. # Alice think the whole thing very absurd, but they all look so grave that she do not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything to say, she simply bow, and take the thimble, look as solemn as she could. # the next thing be to eat the comfit: this cause some noise and confusion, as the large bird complain that they could not taste theirs, and the small one choke and have to be pat on the back. however, it be over at last, and they sit down again in a ring, and beg the Mouse to tell them something more. # "you promise to tell me your history, you know," say Alice, "and why it be you hate--C and D," she add in a whisper, half afraid that it would be offend again. # "Mine be a long and a sad tale!" say the Mouse, turn to Alice, and sigh. # "it be a long tail, certainly," say Alice, look down with wonder at the Mouse's tail; "but why do you call it sad?" and she keep on puzzling about it while the Mouse be speaking, so that her idea of the tale be something like this:-- # "Fury say to a mouse, that he meet in the house, "let us both go to law: I will prosecute you. --come, I'll take no denial; we must have a trial: for really this morning I've nothing to do." # Said the mouse to the cur, "such a trial, dear Sir, with no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath." "I'll be judge, I'll be jury," Said cunning old Fury: "I'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death." # "you be not attend!" say the Mouse to Alice severely. "What be you think of?" # "I beg your pardon," say Alice very humbly: "you have get to the fifth bend, I think?" # "I have not!" cry the Mouse, sharply and very angrily. # "a knot!" say Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and look anxiously about her. "oh, do let me help to undo it!" # "I shall do nothing of the sort," say the Mouse, get up and walk away. "you insult me by talk such nonsense!" # "I didn't mean it!" plead poor Alice. "but you're so easily offend, you know!" # the Mouse only growl in reply. # "Please come back and finish your story!" Alice call after it; and the other all join in chorus, "yes, please do!" but the Mouse only shake its head impatiently, and walk a little quicker. # "What a pity it wouldn't stay!" sigh the Lory, as soon as it be quite out of sight; and an old Crab take the opportunity of say to her daughter "ah, my dear! let this be a lesson to you never to lose your temper!" "hold your tongue, Ma!" say the young Crab, a little snappishly. "you're enough to try the patience of an oyster!" # "I wish I have our Dinah here, I know I do!" say Alice aloud, address nobody in particular. "she'd soon fetch it back!" # "and who be Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?" say the Lory. # Alice reply eagerly, for she be always ready to talk about her pet: "Dinah'S our cat. and she's such a capital one for catch mouse you can't think! and oh, I wish you could see her after the bird! why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!" # this speech cause a remarkable sensation among the party. some of the bird hurried off at once: one old Magpie begin wrap itself up very carefully, remark, "I really must be get home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!" and a Canary call out in a tremble voice to its child, "come away, my dear! it'S high time you be all in bed!" on various pretext they all move off, and Alice be soon left alone. # "I wish I hadn't mention Dinah!" she say to herself in a melancholy tone. "nobody seem to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the well cat in the world! oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you any more!" and here poor Alice begin to cry again, for she feel very lonely and low-spirited. in a little while, however, she again hear a little patter of footstep in the distance, and she look up eagerly, half hope that the Mouse have change his mind, and be come back to finish his story. # Chapter IV the Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill # it be the White Rabbit, trot slowly back again, and look anxiously about as it go, as if it have lose something; and she hear it mutter to itself "the Duchess! the Duchess! oh my dear paw! oh my fur and whisker! she'll get me execute, as sure as ferret be ferret! where can I have drop them, I wonder?" Alice guess in a moment that it be look for the fan and the pair of white kid glove, and she very good-naturedly begin hunting about for them, but they be nowhere to be see--everything seem to have change since her swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the little door, have vanish completely. # Very soon the Rabbit notice Alice, as she go hunting about, and call out to her in an angry tone, "why, Mary Ann, what be you do out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of glove and a fan! Quick, now!" and Alice be so much frighten that she run off at once in the direction it point to, without try to explain the mistake it have make. # "he take me for his housemaid," she say to herself as she run. "How surprise he'll be when he find out who I be! but I'd good take him his fan and glove--that be, if I can find them." as she say this, she come upon a neat little house, on the door of which be a bright brass plate with the name "W. rabbit" engrave upon it. she go in without knock, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann, and be turn out of the house before she have find the fan and glove. # "How queer it seem," Alice say to herself, "to be go message for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be send me on message next!" and she begin fancy the sort of thing that would happen: "Miss Alice! come here directly, and get ready for your walk!" "Coming in a minute, nurse! but I've get to see that the mouse doesn't get out." only I don't think," Alice go on, "that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it begin order people about like that!" # by this time she have find her way into a tidy little room with a table in the window, and on it (as she have hope) a fan and two or three pair of tiny white kid glove: she take up the fan and a pair of the glove, and be just go to leave the room, when her eye fall upon a little bottle that stand near the look-glass. there be no label this time with the word "DRINK Me," but nevertheless she uncork it and put it to her lip. "I know something interesting be sure to happen," she say to herself, "whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what this bottle do. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really I'm quite tired of be such a tiny little thing!" # it do so indeed, and much sooner than she have expect: before she have drunk half the bottle, she find her head press against the ceiling, and have to stoop to save her neck from be break. she hastily put down the bottle, say to herself "that'S quite enough--I hope I Shan't grow any more--as it be, I can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so much!" # Alas! it be too late to wish that! she go on growing, and grow, and very soon have to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there be not even room for this, and she try the effect of lie down with one elbow against the door, and the other arm curl round her head. still she go on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one foot up the chimney, and say to herself "now I can do no more, whatever happen. What will become of me?" # Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle have now have its full effect, and she grow no large: still it be very uncomfortable, and, as there seem to be no sort of chance of her ever get out of the room again, no wonder she feel unhappy. # "it be much pleasant at home," think poor Alice, "when one wasn't always grow large and small, and be order about by mouse and rabbit. I almost wish I hadn't go down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it'S rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what can have happen to me! when I use to read fairy-tale, I fancy that kind of thing never happen, and now here I be in the middle of one! there ought to be a book write about me, that there ought! and when I grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grow up now," she add in a sorrowful tone; "at least there's no room to grow up any more here." # "but then," think Alice, "shall I never get any old than I be now? that'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman-- but then--always to have lesson to learn! oh, I shouldn't like that!" # "oh, you foolish Alice!" she answer herself. "How can you learn lesson in here? why, there'S hardly room for you, and no room at all for any lesson-book!" # and so she go on, take first one side and then the other, and make quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minute she hear a voice outside, and stop to listen. # "Mary Ann! Mary Ann!" say the voice. "Fetch me my glove this moment!" then come a little patter of foot on the stair. Alice know it be the Rabbit come to look for her, and she tremble till she shake the house, quite forget that she be now about a thousand time as large as the Rabbit, and have no reason to be afraid of it. # Presently the Rabbit come up to the door, and try to open it; but, as the door open inwards, and Alice's elbow be press hard against it, that attempt prove a failure. Alice hear it say to itself "then I'll go round and get in at the window." # "that you won't" think Alice, and, after wait till she fancied she hear the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her hand, and make a snatch in the air. she do not get hold of anything, but she hear a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of break glass, from which she conclude that it be just possible it have fall into a cucumber-frame, or something of the sort. # Next come an angry voice--the Rabbit's--"Pat! Pat! where be you?" and then a voice she have never hear before, "sure then I'm here! Digging for apple, yer honour!" # "Digging for apple, indeed!" say the Rabbit angrily. "here! come and help me out of this!" (Sounds of more break glass.) # "now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?" # "sure, it's an arm, yer honour!" (he pronounce it "arrum.") # "an arm, you goose! who ever see one that size? why, it fill the whole window!" # "sure, it do, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that." # "Well, it'S get no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!" # There be a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whisper now and then; such as, "sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at all!" "Do as I tell you, you coward!" and at last she spread out her hand again, and make another snatch in the air. this time there be two little shriek, and more sound of break glass. "What a number of cucumber-frame there must be!" thought Alice. "I wonder what they'll do next! as for pull me out of the window, I only wish they could! I'm sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!" # she wait for some time without hearing anything more: at last come a rumble of little cartwheel, and the sound of a good many voice all talk together: she make out the word: "where's the other ladder?--why, I hadn't to bring but one; Bill'S get the other--Bill! fetch it here, lad!--here, put 'em up at this corner--No, tie 'em together first--they don't reach half high enough yet--oh! they'll do well enough; don't be particular-- here, Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof bear?--mind that loose slate--oh, it's come down! Heads below!" (a loud crash)--"now, who do that?--it be Bill, I fancy--who's to go down the chimney?--Nay, I Shan't! you do it!--that I won't, then!--Bill's to go down--here, Bill! the master say you're to go down the chimney!" # "oh! so Bill'S get to come down the chimney, have he?" say Alice to herself. "Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace be narrow, to be sure; but I think I can kick a little!" # she draw her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and wait till she hear a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it be) scratch and scramble about in the chimney close above her: then, say to herself "this be Bill," she give one sharp kick, and wait to see what would happen next. # the first thing she hear be a general chorus of "There go Bill!" then the Rabbit's voice along--"Catch him, you by the hedge!" then silence, and then another confusion of voice--"hold up his head--Brandy now--Don't choke him--How be it, old fellow? What happen to you? tell us all about it!" # last come a little feeble, squeak voice, ("that's Bill," think Alice,) "Well, I hardly know--no more, thank ye; I'm good now--but I'm a deal too fluster to tell you--all I know be, something come at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I go like a sky-rocket!" # "so you do, old fellow!" say the other. # "we must burn the house down!" say the Rabbit's voice; and Alice call out as loud as she could, "if you do. I'll set Dinah at you!" # There be a dead silence instantly, and Alice think to herself, "I wonder what they will do next! if they have any sense, they'd take the roof off." after a minute or two, they begin move about again, and Alice hear the Rabbit say, "a barrowful will do, to begin with." # "a barrowful of what?" thought Alice; but she have not long to doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebble come rattle in at the window, and some of them hit her in the face. "I'll put a stop to this," she say to herself, and shout out, "you'd good not do that again!" which produce another dead silence. # Alice notice with some surprise that the pebble be all turn into little cake as they lie on the floor, and a bright idea come into her head. "if I eat one of these cake," she thought, "it's sure to make some change in my size; and as it can't possibly make me large, it must make me small, I suppose." # so she swallow one of the cake, and be delighted to find that she begin shrink directly. as soon as she be small enough to get through the door, she run out of the house, and find quite a crowd of little animal and bird wait outside. the poor little Lizard, Bill, be in the middle, be hold up by two guinea-pig, who be give it something out of a bottle. they all make a rush at Alice the moment she appear; but she run off as hard as she could, and soon find herself safe in a thick wood. # "the first thing I've get to do," say Alice to herself, as she wander about in the wood, "be to grow to my right size again; and the second thing be to find my way into that lovely garden. I think that will be the good plan." # it sound an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply arrange; the only difficulty be, that she have not the small idea how to set about it; and while she be peer about anxiously among the tree, a little sharp bark just over her head make her look up in a great hurry. # an enormous puppy be look down at her with large round eye, and feebly stretch out one paw, try to touch her. "Poor little thing!" say Alice, in a coax tone, and she try hard to whistle to it; but she be terribly frightened all the time at the think that it might be hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her coax. # hardly know what she do, she pick up a little bit of stick, and hold it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jump into the air off all its foot at once, with a yelp of delight, and rush at the stick, and make believe to worry it; then Alice dodge behind a great thistle, to keep herself from be run over; and the moment she appear on the other side, the puppy make another rush at the stick, and tumble head over heel in its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it be very like have a game of play with a cart-horse, and expect every moment to be trampled under its foot, run round the thistle again; then the puppy begin a series of short charge at the stick, run a very little way forwards each time and a long way back, and bark hoarsely all the while, till at last it sit down a good way off, pant, with its tongue hang out of its mouth, and its great eye half shut. # this seem to Alice a good opportunity for make her escape; so she set off at once, and run till she be quite tired and out of breath, and till the puppy's bark sound quite faint in the distance. # "and yet what a dear little puppy it be!" say Alice, as she lean against a buttercup to rest herself, and fan herself with one of the leave: "I should have like teaching it trick very much, if--if I'd only be the right size to do it! oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've get to grow up again! let me see--how be it to be manage? I suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great question be, what?" # the great question certainly be, what? Alice look all round her at the flower and the blade of grass, but she do not see anything that look like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstance. there be a large mushroom grow near her, about the same height as herself; and when she have look under it, and on both side of it, and behind it, it occur to her that she might as well look and see what be on the top of it. # she stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peep over the edge of the mushroom, and her eye immediately meet those of a large caterpillar, that be sit on the top with its arm fold, quietly smoking a long hookah, and take not the small notice of her or of anything else. # Chapter V ADVICE From A Caterpillar # the Caterpillar and Alice look at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar take the hookah out of its mouth, and address her in a languid, sleepy voice. # "who be you?" say the Caterpillar. # this be not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice reply, rather shyly, "I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I get up this morning, but I think I must have be change several time since then." # "What do you mean by that?" say the Caterpillar sternly. "Explain yourself!" # "I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir" say Alice, "because I'm not myself, you see." # "I don't see," say the Caterpillar. # "I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly," Alice reply very politely, "for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and be so many different size in a day be very confusing." # "it isn't," say the Caterpillar. # "Well, perhaps you haven't find it so yet," say Alice; "but when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little queer, won't you?" # "not a bit," say the Caterpillar. # "Well, perhaps your feeling may be different," say Alice; "all I know be, it would feel very queer to me." # "you!" say the Caterpillar contemptuously. "who be you?" # which bring them back again to the beginning of the conversation. Alice feel a little irritate at the Caterpillar's make such very short remark, and she draw herself up and say, very gravely, "I think, you out to tell me who you be, first." # "why?" say the Caterpillar. # here be another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seem to be in a very unpleasant state of mind, she turn away. # "come back!" the Caterpillar call after her. "I've something important to say!" # this sound promising, certainly: Alice turn and come back again. # "keep your temper," say the Caterpillar. # "be that all?" say Alice, swallow down her anger as well as she could. # "No," say the Caterpillar. # Alice think she might as well wait, as she have nothing else to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. for some minute it puff away without speaking, but at last it unfold its arm, take the hookah out of its mouth again, and say, "so you think you're change, do you?" # "I'm afraid I am, sir," say Alice; "I can't remember thing as I use--and I don't keep the same size for ten minute together!" # "Can't remember what thing?" say the Caterpillar. # "Well, I've try to say "How do the little busy bee," but it all come different!" Alice reply in a very melancholy voice. # "Repeat, "you be old, Father William," say the Caterpillar. # Alice fold her hand, and begin:-- # "you be old, Father William," the young man say, "and your hair have become very white; and yet you incessantly stand on your head-- Do you think, at your age, it be right?" # "in my youth," Father William reply to his son, "I fear it might injure the brain; But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, why, I do it again and again." # "you be old," say the youth, "as I mention before, and have grow most uncommonly fat; yet you turn a back-somersault in at the door-- Pray, what be the reason of that?" # "in my youth," say the sage, as he shake his grey lock, "I keep all my limb very supple by the use of this ointment--one shilling the box-- Allow me to sell you a couple?" # "you be old," say the youth, "and your jaw be too weak for anything tough than suet; yet you finish the goose, with the bone and the beak-- Pray how do you manage to do it?" # "in my youth," say his father, "I take to the law, and argue each case with my wife; and the muscular strength, which it give to my jaw, have last the rest of my life." # "you be old," say the youth, "one would hardly suppose that your eye be as steady as ever; yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose-- What make you so awfully clever?" # "I have answer three question, and that be enough," Said his father; "don't give yourself air! do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? be off, or I'll kick you down stair!" # the Old Man'S Comforts and How he Gained Them # you be old, Father William the young man cry, the few lock which be leave you be grey; you be hale, Father William, a hearty old man, now tell me the reason, I pray. # in the day of my youth, Father William reply, I remember'd that youth would fly fast, and abuse not my health and my vigour at first, that I never might need them at last. # you be old, Father William, the young man cry, and pleasure with youth pass away; and yet you lament not the day that be go, now tell me the reason, I pray. # in the day of my youth, Father William reply, I remember'd that youth could not last; I think of the future, whatever I do, that I never might grieve for the past. # you be old, Father William, the young man cry, and life must be hasten away; you be cheerful, and love to converse upon death, now tell me the reason, I pray. # I be cheerful, young man, Father William reply, let the cause thy attention engage; in the day of my youth I remember'd my God! and he have not forget my age. # "that be not say right," say the Caterpillar. # "not quite right, I'm afraid," say Alice, timidly; some of the word have get alter." # "it be wrong from begin to end," say the Caterpillar decidedly, and there be silence for some minute. # the Caterpillar be the first to speak. # "What size do you want to be?" it ask. # "oh, I'm not particular as to size," Alice hastily reply; "only one doesn't like change so often, you know." # "I don't know," say the Caterpillar. # Alice say nothing: she have never be so much contradict in her life before, and she feel that she be lose her temper. # "be you content now?" say the Caterpillar. # "Well, I should like to be a little large, sir, if you wouldn't mind," say Alice: "three inch be such a wretched height to be." # "it be a very good height indeed!" say the Caterpillar angrily, rearing itself upright as it speak (it be exactly three inch high). # "but I'm not use to it!" plead poor Alice in a piteous tone. and she think of herself, "I wish the creature wouldn't be so easily offend!" # "you'll get use to it in time," say the Caterpillar; and it put the hookah into its mouth and begin smoking again. # this time Alice wait patiently until it choose to speak again. in a minute or two the Caterpillar take the hookah out of its mouth and yawn once or twice, and shake itself. then it get down off the mushroom, and crawl away in the grass, merely remark as it go, "One side will make you grow tall, and the other side will make you grow short." # "One side of what? the other side of what?" thought Alice to herself. # "of the mushroom," say the Caterpillar, just as if she have ask it aloud; and in another moment it be out of sight. # Alice remain look thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, try to make out which be the two side of it; and as it be perfectly round, she find this a very difficult question. however, at last she stretch her arm round it as far as they would go, and break off a bit of the edge with each hand. # "and now which be which?" she say to herself, and nibble a little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she feel a violent blow underneath her chin: it have strike her foot! # she be a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she feel that there be no time to be lose, as she be shrink rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. her chin be press so closely against her foot, that there be hardly room to open her mouth; but she do it at last, and manage to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit. # "come, my head's free at last!" say Alice in a tone of delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she find that her shoulder be nowhere to be find: all she could see, when she look down, be an immense length of neck, which seem to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leave that lie far below her. # "What can all that green stuff be?" say Alice. "and where have my shoulder get to? and oh, my poor hand, how be it I can't see you?" she be move them about as she speak, but no result seem to follow, except a little shake among the distant green leave. # as there seem to be no chance of get her hand up to her head, she try to get her head down to them, and be delighted to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. she have just succeed in curve it down into a graceful zigzag, and be go to dive in among the leave, which she find to be nothing but the top of the tree under which she have be wander, when a sharp hiss make her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon have flow into her face, and be beat her violently with its wing. # "Serpent!" scream the Pigeon. # "I'm not a serpent!" say Alice indignantly. "let me alone!" # "Serpent, I say again!" repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued tone, and add with a kind of sob, "I've try every way, and nothing seem to suit them!" # "I haven't the least idea what you're talk about," say Alice. # "I've try the root of tree, and I've try bank, and I've try hedge," the Pigeon go on, without attend to her; "but those serpent! there's no pleasing them!" # Alice be more and more puzzle, but she think there be no use in say anything more till the Pigeon have finish. # "as if it wasn't trouble enough hatch the egg," say the Pigeon; "but I must be on the look-out for serpent night and day! why, I haven't have a wink of sleep these three week!" # "I'm very sorry you've be annoyed," say Alice, who be begin to see its meaning. # "and just as I'd take the high tree in the wood," continue the Pigeon, raise its voice to a shriek, "and just as I be think I should be free of them at last, they must need come wriggle down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!" # "but I'm not a serpent, I tell you!" say Alice. "I'm a--I'm a--" # "Well! What be you?" say the Pigeon. "I can see you're try to invent something!" # "I--I'm a little girl," say Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remember the number of change she have go through that day. # "a likely story indeed!" say the Pigeon in a tone of the deep contempt. "I've see a good many little girl in my time, but never one with such a neck as that! No, no! you're a serpent; and there's no use deny it. I suppose you'll be tell me next that you never taste an egg!" # "I have taste egg, certainly," say Alice, who be a very truthful child; "but little girl eat egg quite as much as serpent do, you know." # "I don't believe it," say the Pigeon; "but if they do, why then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say." # this be such a new idea to Alice, that she be quite silent for a minute or two, which give the Pigeon the opportunity of add, "you're look for egg, I know THAT well enough; and what do it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a serpent?" # "it matter a good deal to me," say Alice hastily; "but I'm not look for egg, as it happen; and if I be, I shouldn't want yours: I don't like them raw." # "Well, be off, then!" say the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settle down again into its nest. Alice crouch down among the tree as well as she could, for her neck keep get entangled among the branch, and every now and then she have to stop and untwist it. after a while she remember that she still held the piece of mushroom in her hand, and she set to work very carefully, nibble first at one and then at the other, and grow sometimes tall and sometimes short, until she have succeed in bring herself down to her usual height. # it be so long since she have be anything near the right size, that it feel quite strange at first; but she get use to it in a few minute, and begin talk to herself, as usual. "come, there's half my plan do now! How puzzling all these change be! I'm never sure what I'm go to be, from one minute to another! however, I've get back to my right size: the next thing be, to get into that beautiful garden--how be that to be do, I wonder?" as she say this, she come suddenly upon an open place, with a little house in it about four foot high. "whoever live there," think Alice, "it'll never do to come upon them this size: why, I should frighten them out of their wit!" so she begin nibble at the righthand bit again, and do not venture to go near the house till she have bring herself down to nine inch high. # Chapter VI Pig and Pepper # for a minute or two she stand look at the house, and wonder what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery come run out of the wood--(she consider him to be a footman because he be in livery: otherwise, judge by his face only, she would have call him a fish)--and rap loudly at the door with his knuckle. it be open by another footman in livery, with a round face, and large eye like a frog; and both footman, Alice notice, have powdered hair that curl all over their head. she feel very curious to know what it be all about, and creep a little way out of the wood to listen. # the Fish-Footman begin by produce from under his arm a great letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he hand over to the other, saying, in a solemn tone, "for the Duchess. an invitation from the Queen to play croquet." the Frog-Footman repeat, in the same solemn tone, only change the order of the word a little, "from the Queen. an invitation for the Duchess to play croquet." # then they both bow low, and their curl get entangled together. # Alice laugh so much at this, that she have to run back into the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peep out the Fish-Footman be go, and the other be sit on the ground near the door, stare stupidly up into the sky. # Alice go timidly up to the door, and knock. # "There's no sort of use in knock," say the Footman, "and that for two reason. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you be; secondly, because they're make such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you." and certainly there be a most extraordinary noise go on within--a constant howl and sneeze, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or kettle have be break to piece. # "Please, then," say Alice, "how be I to get in?" # "There might be some sense in your knock," the Footman go on without attend to her, "if we have the door between us. for instance, if you be inside, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know." he be look up into the sky all the time he be speaking, and this Alice think decidedly uncivil. "but perhaps he can't help it,' she say to herself; "his eye be so very nearly at the top of his head. but at any rate he might answer question.--How be I to get in?" she repeat, aloud. # "I shall sit here," the Footman remark, "till tomorrow--" # at this moment the door of the house open, and a large plate come skim out, straight at the Footman's head: it just graze his nose, and break to piece against one of the tree behind him. # "--or next day, maybe," the Footman continue in the same tone, exactly as if nothing have happen. # "How be I to get in?" ask Alice again, in a louder tone. # "be you to get in at all?" say the Footman. "that's the first question, you know." # it be, no doubt: only Alice do not like to be tell so. "it'S really dreadful," she mutter to herself, "the way all the creature argue. it's enough to drive one crazy!" # the Footman seem to think this a good opportunity for repeat his remark, with variation. "I shall sit here," he say, "on and off, for day and day." # "but what be I to do?" say Alice. # "Anything you like," say the Footman, and begin whistle. # "oh, there's no use in talk to him," say Alice desperately: "he'S perfectly idiotic!" and she open the door and go in. # the door lead right into a large kitchen, which be full of smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess be sit on a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook be lean over the fire, stir a large cauldron which seem to be full of soup. # "There'S certainly too much pepper in that soup!" Alice say to herself, as well as she could for sneeze. # There be certainly too much of it in the air. even the Duchess sneeze occasionally; and as for the baby, it be sneeze and howl alternately without a moment's pause. the only thing in the kitchen that do not sneeze, be the cook, and a large cat which be sit on the hearth and grin from ear to ear. # "Please would you tell me," say Alice, a little timidly, for she be not quite sure whether it be good manner for her to speak first, "why your cat grin like that?" # "it's a Cheshire cat," say the Duchess, "and that'S why. Pig!" # she say the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite jump; but she see in another moment that it be address to the baby, and not to her, so she take courage, and go on again:-- # "I didn't know that Cheshire cat always grin; in fact, I didn't know that cat could grin." # "they all can," say the Duchess; "and most of 'em do." # "I don't know of any that do," Alice say very politely, feeling quite pleased to have get into a conversation. # "you don't know much," say the Duchess; "and that's a fact." # Alice do not at all like the tone of this remark, and think it would be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. while she be try to fix on one, the cook take the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work throw everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby --the fire-iron come first; then follow a shower of saucepan, plate, and dish. the Duchess take no notice of them even when they hit her; and the baby be howl so much already, that it be quite impossible to say whether the blow hurt it or not. # "oh, please mind what you're do!" cry Alice, jump up and down in an agony of terror. "oh, there go his precious nose"; as an unusually large saucepan fly close by it, and very nearly carry it off. # "if everybody mind their own business," the Duchess say in a hoarse growl, "the world would go round a deal faster than it do." # "which would not be an advantage," say Alice, who feel very glad to get an opportunity of show off a little of her knowledge. "just think of what work it would make with the day and night! you see the earth take twenty-four hour to turn round on its axis--" # "talk of axe," say the Duchess, "chop off her head!" # Alice glance rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she mean to take the hint; but the cook be busily stir the soup, and seem not to be listening, so she go on again: "Twenty-four hour, I think; or be it twelve? I--" # "oh, don't bother me," say the Duchess; "I never could abide figure!" and with that she begin nursing her child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she do so, and give it a violent shake at the end of every line: # "Speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneeze: he only do it to annoy, because he know it tease." CHORUS. (in which the cook and the baby join):-- "Wow! wow! wow!" # while the Duchess sing the second verse of the song, she keep toss the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howl so, that Alice could hardly hear the word:-- # "I speak severely to my boy, I beat him when he sneeze; for he can thoroughly enjoy the pepper when he please!" CHORUS. "Wow! wow! wow!" # "here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!" the Duchess say to Alice, fling the baby at her as she speak. "I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen," and she hurried out of the room. the cook throw a fry-pan after her as she go out, but it just miss her. # Alice catch the baby with some difficulty, as it be a queer-shape little creature, and hold out its arm and leg in all direction, "just like a star-fish," think Alice. the poor little thing be snort like a steam-engine when she catch it, and keep doubling itself up and straighten itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it be as much as she could do to hold it. # as soon as she have make out the proper way of nursing it, (which be to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right ear and leave foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carry it out into the open air. "if I don't take this child away with me," think Alice, "they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be murder to leave it behind?" she say the last word out loud, and the little thing grunt in reply (it have leave off sneeze by this time). "Don't grunt," say Alice; "that'S not at all a proper way of express yourself." # the baby grunt again, and Alice look very anxiously into its face to see what be the matter with it. there could be no doubt that it have a very turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its eye be get extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice do not like the look of the thing at all. "but perhaps it be only sob," she thought, and look into its eye again, to see if there be any tear. # No, there be no tear. "if you're go to turn into a pig, my dear," say Alice, seriously, "I'll have nothing more to do with you. mind now!" the poor little thing sob again (or grunt, it be impossible to say which), and they go on for some while in silence. # Alice be just begin to think to herself, "now, what be I to do with this creature when I get it home?" when it grunt again, so violently, that she look down into its face in some alarm. this time there could be no mistake about it: it be neither more nor less than a pig, and she feel that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further. # so she set the little creature down, and feel quite relieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood. "if it have grow up," she say to herself, "it would have make a dreadfully ugly child: but it make rather a handsome pig, I think." and she begin think over other child she know, who might do very well as pig, and be just say to herself, "if one only know the right way to change them--" when she be a little startle by see the Cheshire Cat sit on a bough of a tree a few yard off. # the Cat only grin when it see Alice. it look good-natured, she thought: still it have very long claw and a great many tooth, so she feel that it ought to be treat with respect. # "Cheshire Puss," she begin, rather timidly, as she do not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grin a little wider. "come, it's pleased so far," think Alice, and she go on. "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" # "that depend a good deal on where you want to get to," say the Cat. # "I don't much care where--" say Alice. # "then it doesn't matter which way you go," say the Cat. # "--so long as I get somewhere," Alice add as an explanation. # "oh, you're sure to do that," say the Cat, "if you only walk long enough." # Alice feel that this could not be deny, so she try another question. "What sort of people live about here?" # "in that direction," the Cat say, wave its right paw round, "live a Hatter: and in that direction," wave the other paw, "live a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad." # "but I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remark. # "oh, you can't help that," say the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. you're mad." # "How do you know I'm mad?" say Alice. # "you must be," say the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." # Alice didn't think that prove it at all; however, she go on "and how do you know that you're mad?" # "To begin with," say the Cat, "a dog'S not mad. you grant that?" # "I suppose so," say Alice. # "Well, then," the Cat go on, "you see, a dog growl when it'S angry, and wag its tail when it'S please. now I growl when I'm please, and wag my tail when I'm angry. therefore I'm mad." # "I call it purr, not growl," say Alice. # "Call it what you like," say the Cat. "do you play croquet with the Queen to-day?" # "I should like it very much," say Alice, "but I haven't be invite yet." # "you'll see me there," say the Cat, and vanish. # Alice be not much surprise at this, she be get so use to queer thing happening. while she be look at the place where it have be, it suddenly appear again. # "by-the-bye, what become of the baby?" say the Cat. "I'd nearly forget to ask." # "it turn into a pig," Alice quietly say, just as if it have come back in a natural way. # "I think it would," say the Cat, and vanish again. # Alice wait a little, half expect to see it again, but it do not appear, and after a minute or two she walk on in the direction in which the March Hare be say to live. "I've see hatter before," she say to herself; "the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps as this be May it won't be raving mad--at least not so mad as it be in March." as she say this, she look up, and there be the Cat again, sit on a branch of a tree. # "do you say pig, or fig?" say the Cat. # "I say pig," reply Alice; "and I wish you wouldn't keep appear and vanish so suddenly: you make one quite giddy." # "all right," say the Cat; and this time it vanish quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and end with the grin, which remain some time after the rest of it have go. # "Well! I've often see a cat without a grin," think Alice; "but a grin without a cat! it's the most curious thing I ever see in my life!" # she have not go much farther before she come in sight of the house of the March Hare: she think it must be the right house, because the chimney be shape like ear and the roof be thatch with fur. it be so large a house, that she do not like to go near till she have nibble some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raise herself to about two foot high: even then she walk up towards it rather timidly, say to herself "suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd go to see the Hatter instead!" # Chapter VII A Mad Tea-Party # There be a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter be have tea at it: a Dormouse be sit between them, fast asleep, and the other two be use it as a cushion, resting their elbow on it, and talk over its head. "Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse," think Alice; "only, as it'S asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind." # the table be a large one, but the three be all crowded together at one corner of it: "no room! no room!" they cry out when they see Alice come. "There's plenty of room!" say Alice indignantly, and she sit down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table. # "have some wine," the March Hare say in an encouraging tone. # Alice look all round the table, but there be nothing on it but tea. "I don't see any wine," she remark. # "There isn't any," say the March Hare. # "then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it," say Alice angrily. # "it wasn't very civil of you to sit down without be invite," say the March Hare. # "I didn't know it be your table," say Alice; "it'S lay for a great many more than three." # "your hair want cutting," say the Hatter. he have be look at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this be his first speech. # "you should learn not to make personal remark," Alice say with some severity; "it'S very rude." # the Hatter open his eye very wide on hearing this; but all he say be, "why be a raven like a writing-desk?" # "come, we shall have some fun now!" thought Alice. "I'm glad they've begin ask riddle.--I believe I can guess that," she add aloud. # "do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?" say the March Hare. # "exactly so," say Alice. # "then you should say what you mean," the March Hare go on. # "I do," Alice hastily reply; "at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know." # "not the same thing a bit!" say the Hatter. "you might just as well say that "I see what I eat" be the same thing as "I eat what I see!" # "you might just as well say," add the March Hare, "that "I like what I get" be the same thing as "I get what I like"!" # "you might just as well say," add the Dormouse, who seem to be talk in his sleep, "that "I breathe when I sleep" be the same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!" # "it be the same thing with you,' say the Hatter, and here the conversation drop, and the party sit silent for a minute, while Alice think over all she could remember about raven and writing-desk, which wasn't much. # the Hatter be the first to break the silence. "What day of the month be it?" he say, turn to Alice: he have take his watch out of his pocket, and be look at it uneasily, shake it every now and then, and holding it to his ear. # Alice consider a little, and then say "the fourth." # "Two day wrong!" sigh the Hatter. "I tell you butter wouldn't suit the work!" he add look angrily at the March Hare. # "it be the good butter," the March Hare meekly reply. # "yes, but some crumb must have get in as well," the Hatter grumble: "you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife." # the March Hare take the watch and look at it gloomily: then he dip it into his cup of tea, and look at it again: but he could think of nothing well to say than his first remark, "it be the good butter, you know." # Alice have be look over his shoulder with some curiosity. "What a funny watch!" she remark. "it tell the day of the month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it be!" # "why should it?" mutter the Hatter. "Does your watch tell you what year it be?" # "of course not," Alice reply very readily: "but that's because it stays the same year for such a long time together." # "which be just the case with mine," say the Hatter. # Alice feel dreadfully puzzle. the Hatter's remark seem to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it be certainly English. "I don't quite understand you," she say, as politely as she could. # "the Dormouse be asleep again," say the Hatter, and he pour a little hot tea upon its nose. # the Dormouse shake its head impatiently, and say, without opening its eye, "of course, of course; just what I be go to remark myself." # "have you guess the riddle yet?" the Hatter say, turn to Alice again. # "No, I give it up," Alice reply: "what's the answer?" # "I haven't the slight idea," say the Hatter. # "nor I," say the March Hare. # Alice sigh wearily. "I think you might do something good with the time," she say, "than waste it in ask riddle that have no answer." # "if you know Time as well as I do," say the Hatter, "you wouldn't talk about wasting it. it's him." # "I don't know what you mean," say Alice. # "of course you don't!" the Hatter say, toss his head contemptuously. "I dare say you never even speak to Time!" # "perhaps not," Alice cautiously reply: "but I know I have to beat time when I learn music." # "ah! that account for it," say the Hatter. "he won't stand beating. now, if you only keep on good term with him, he'd do almost anything you like with the clock. for instance, suppose it be nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lesson: you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round go the clock in a twinkling! half-past one, time for dinner!" # ("I only wish it be," the March Hare say to itself in a whisper.) # "that would be grand, certainly," say Alice thoughtfully: "but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know." # "not at first, perhaps," say the Hatter: "but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you like." # "be that the way you manage?" Alice ask. # the Hatter shake his head mournfully. "not I!" he reply. "we quarrel last March--just before he go mad, you know--" (point with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) "--it be at the great concert give by the Queen of Hearts, and I have to sing # "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you're at!" # you know the song, perhaps?" # "I've hear something like it," say Alice. # "it go on, you know," the Hatter continue, "in this way:-- # "up above the world you fly, like a tea-tray in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle--" # Twinkle, twinkle, little star! How I wonder what you be! up above the wolrd so high, like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle... # here the Dormouse shake itself, and begin singing in its sleep "Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--" and go on so long that they have to pinch it to make it stop. # "Well, I'd hardly finish the first verse," say the Hatter, "when the Queen jump up and bawl out, "he's murder the time! off with his head!" # "How dreadfully savage!" exclaim Alice. # "and ever since that," the Hatter go on in a mournful tone, "he won't do a thing I ask! it'S always six o'clock now." # a bright idea come into Alice's head. "be that the reason so many tea-thing be put out here?" she ask. # "yes, that's it," say the Hatter with a sigh: "it'S always tea-time, and we've no time to wash the thing between while." # "then you keep move round, I suppose?" say Alice. # "exactly so," say the Hatter: "as the thing get use up." # "but what happen when you come to the beginning again?" Alice venture to ask. # "suppose we change the subject," the March Hare interrupted, yawn. "I'm get tired of this. I vote the young lady tell us a story." # "I'm afraid I don't know one," say Alice, rather alarmed at the proposal. # "then the Dormouse shall!" they both cry. "Wake up, Dormouse!" and they pinch it on both side at once. # the Dormouse slowly open his eye. "I wasn't asleep," he say in a hoarse, feeble voice: "I hear every word you fellow be say." # "tell us a story!" say the March Hare. # "yes, please do!" plead Alice. # "and be quick about it," add the Hatter, "or you'll be asleep again before it'S do." # "once upon a time there be three little sister," the Dormouse begin in a great hurry; "and their name be Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and they live at the bottom of a well--" # "What do they live on?" say Alice, who always take a great interest in question of eat and drinking. # "they live on treacle," say the Dormouse, after think a minute or two. # "they couldn't have do that, you know," Alice gently remark; "they'd have be ill." # "so they be," say the Dormouse; "very ill." # Alice try to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary way of living would be like, but it puzzle her too much, so she go on: "but why do they live at the bottom of a well?" # "I've have nothing yet," Alice reply in an offend tone, "so I can't take more." # "you mean you can't take less," say the Hatter: "it'S very easy to take more than nothing." # "nobody ask your opinion," say Alice. # "who's make personal remark now?" the Hatter ask triumphantly. # Alice do not quite know what to say to this: so she help herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turn to the Dormouse, and repeat her question. "why do they live at the bottom of a well?" # the Dormouse again take a minute or two to think about it, and then say, "it be a treacle-well." # "There's no such thing!" Alice be begin very angrily, but the Hatter and the March Hare go "Sh! sh!" and the Dormouse sulkily remark, "if you can't be civil, you'd well finish the story for yourself." # "No, please go on!" Alice say very humbly; "I win"t interrupt again. I dare say there may be one." # "One, indeed!" say the Dormouse indignantly. however, he consent to go on. "and so these three little sister--they be learn to draw, you know--" # "What do they draw?" say Alice, quite forget her promise. # "Treacle," say the Dormouse, without consider at all this time. # "I want a clean cup," interrupted the Hatter: "let's all move one place on." # he move on as he speak, and the Dormouse follow him: the March Hare move into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly take the place of the March Hare. the Hatter be the only one who get any advantage from the change: and Alice be a good deal bad off than before, as the March Hare have just upset the milk-jug into his plate. # Alice do not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she begin very cautiously: "but I don't understand. where do they draw the treacle from?" # "you can draw water out of a water-well," say the Hatter; "so I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, stupid?" # "but they be in the well," Alice say to the Dormouse, not choose to notice this last remark. # "of course they be", say the Dormouse; "--well in." # this answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for some time without interrupt it. # "they be learn to draw," the Dormouse go on, yawn and rub its eye, for it be get very sleepy; "and they draw all manner of thing--everything that begin with an M--" # "why with an M?" say Alice. # "why not?" say the March Hare. # Alice be silent. # the Dormouse have close its eye by this time, and be go off into a doze; but, on be pinch by the Hatter, it wake up again with a little shriek, and go on: "--that begin with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness-- you know you say thing be "much of a muchness"--do you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?" # "really, now you ask me," say Alice, very much confused, "I don't think--" # "then you shouldn't talk," say the Hatter. # this piece of rudeness be more than Alice could bear: she get up in great disgust, and walk off; the Dormouse fall asleep instantly, and neither of the other take the least notice of her go, though she look back once or twice, half hope that they would call after her: the last time she see them, they be try to put the Dormouse into the teapot. # "at any rate I'll never go there again!" say Alice as she pick her way through the wood. "it's the stupid tea-party I ever be at in all my life!" # just as she say this, she notice that one of the tree have a door lead right into it. "that'S very curious!" she think. "but everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once." and in she go. # once more she find herself in the long hall, and close to the little glass table. "now, I'll manage good this time," she say to herself, and begin by take the little golden key, and unlock the door that lead into the garden. then she go to work nibble at the mushroom (she have keep a piece of it in her pocket) till she be about a foot high: then she walk down the little passage: and then--she find herself at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-bed and the cool fountain. # Chapter VIII the Queen'S Croquet-ground # a large rise-tree stand near the entrance of the garden: the rose grow on it be white, but there be three gardener at it, busily painting them red. Alice think this a very curious thing, and she go near to watch them, and just as she come up to them she hear one of them say, "look out now, Five! Don't go splash paint over me like that!" # "I couldn't help it," say Five, in a sulky tone; "Seven jog my elbow." # on which Seven look up and say, "that's right, Five! Always lie the blame on other!" # "you'd good not talk!" say Five. "I hear the Queen say only yesterday you deserve to be behead!" # "What for?" say the one who have speak first. # "that'S none of your business, Two!" say Seven. # "yes, it be his business!" say Five, "and I'll tell him--it be for bring the cook tulip-root instead of onion." # Seven fling down his brush, and have just begin "Well, of all the unjust thing--" when his eye chance to fall upon Alice, as she stand watch them, and he check himself suddenly: the other look round also, and all of them bow low. # "Would you tell me," say Alice, a little timidly, "why you be painting those rose?" # Five and Seven say nothing, but look at Two. Two begin in a low voice, "why the fact be, you see, Miss, this here ought to have be a red rise-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen be to find it out, we should all have our head cut off, you know. so you see, Miss, we're do our good, afore she come, to--" at this moment Five, who have be anxiously look across the garden, call out "the Queen! the Queen!" and the three gardener instantly throw themselves flat upon their face. there be a sound of many footstep, and Alice look round, eager to see the Queen. # First come ten soldier carry club; these be all shaped like the three gardener, oblong and flat, with their hand and foot at the corner: next the ten courtier; these be ornament all over with diamond, and walk two and two, as the soldier do. after these come the royal child; there be ten of them, and the little dear come jump merrily along hand in hand, in couple: they be all ornament with heart. Next come the guest, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice recognise the White Rabbit: it be talk in a hurried nervous manner, smile at everything that be say, and go by without notice her. then follow the Knave of Hearts, carry the King"s crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, come the King and Queen of Hearts. # Alice be rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three gardener, but she could not remember ever have hear of such a rule at procession; "and besides, what would be the use of a procession," think she, "if people have all to lie down upon their face, so that they couldn't see it?" so she stand still where she be, and wait. # when the procession come opposite to Alice, they all stop and look at her, and the Queen say severely "who be this?" she say it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bow and smile in reply. # "Idiot!" say the Queen, toss her head impatiently; and, turn to Alice, she go on, "What'S your name, child?" # "my name be Alice, so please your Majesty," say Alice very politely; but she add, to herself, "why, they're only a pack of card, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!" # "and who be these?" say the Queen, point to the three gardener who be lie round the rosetree; for, you see, as they be lie on their face, and the pattern on their back be the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether they be gardener, or soldier, or courtier, or three of her own child. # "How should I know?" say Alice, surprise at her own courage. "it's no business of mine." # the Queen turn crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast, scream "off with her head! off--" # "nonsense!" say Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen be silent. # the King lay his hand upon her arm, and timidly say "consider, my dear: she be only a child!" # the Queen turn angrily away from him, and say to the Knave "Turn them over!" # the Knave do so, very carefully, with one foot. # "get up!" say the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardener instantly jump up, and begin bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal child, and everybody else. # "leave off that!" scream the Queen. "you make me giddy." and then, turn to the rise-tree, she go on, "What have you be do here?" # "May it please your Majesty," say Two, in a very humble tone, go down on one knee as he speak, "we be try--" # "I see!" say the Queen, who have meanwhile be examine the rose. "off with their head!" and the procession move on, three of the soldier remain behind to execute the unfortunate gardener, who run to Alice for protection. # "you Shan't be behead!" say Alice, and she put them into a large flower-pot that stand near. the three soldier wander about for a minute or two, look for them, and then quietly march off after the other. # "be their head off?" shout the Queen. # "their head be go, if it please your Majesty!" the soldier shout in reply. # "that'S right!" shout the Queen. "Can you play croquet?" # the soldier be silent, and look at Alice, as the question be evidently mean for her. # "yes!" shout Alice. # "come on, then!" roar the Queen, and Alice join the procession, wonder very much what would happen next. # "it's--it's a very fine day!" say a timid voice at her side. she be walk by the White Rabbit, who be peep anxiously into her face. # "Very," say Alice: "--where's the Duchess?" # "Hush! Hush!" say the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. he look anxiously over his shoulder as he speak, and then raise himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whisper "she's under sentence of execution." # "What for?" say Alice. # "do you say "What a pity!"?" the Rabbit ask. # "No, I didn't," say Alice: "I don't think it's at all a pity. I say "What for?" # "she box the Queen's ear--' the Rabbit begin. Alice give a little scream of laughter. "oh, hush!' the rabbit whisper in a frightened tone. "the Queen will hear you! you see, she come rather late, and the Queen say--' # "get to your place!' shout the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people begin run about in all direction, tumble up against each other; however, they get settle down in a minute or two, and the game begin. Alice think she have never see such a curious croquet-ground in her life; it be all ridge and furrow; the ball be live hedgehog, the mallet live flamingo, and the soldier have to double themselves up and to stand on their hand and foot, to make the arch. # the chief difficulty Alice find at first be in manage her flamingo: she succeed in get its body tuck away, comfortably enough, under her arm, with its leg hang down, but generally, just as she have get its neck nicely straighten out, and be go to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it would twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a puzzle expression that she could not help burst out laugh: and when she have get its head down, and be go to begin again, it be very provoke to find that the hedgehog have unroll itself, and be in the act of crawl away: besides all this, there be generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she want to send the hedgehog to, and, as the double-up soldier be always get up and walk off to other part of the ground, Alice soon come to the conclusion that it be a very difficult game indeed. # the player all play at once without wait for turn, quarrel all the while, and fight for the hedgehog; and in a very short time the Queen be in a furious passion, and go stamp about, and shout "off with his head!' or "off with her head!' about once in a minute. # Alice begin to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she have not as yet have any dispute with the Queen, but she know that it might happen any minute, "and then,' think she, "what would become of me? they're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great wonder be, that there's any one leave alive!' # she be look about for some way of escape, and wonder whether she could get away without be see, when she notice a curious appearance in the air: it puzzle her very much at first, but, after watch it a minute or two, she make it out to be a grin, and she say to herself "it's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.' # "How be you get on?' say the Cat, as soon as there be mouth enough for it to speak with. # Alice wait till the eye appear, and then nod. "it's no use speak to it,' she thought, "till its ear have come, or at least one of them.' in another minute the whole head appear, and then Alice put down her flamingo, and begin an account of the game, feeling very glad she have someone to listen to her. the Cat seem to think that there be enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appear. # "I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice begin, in rather a complain tone, "and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rule in particular; at least, if there be, nobody attend to them--and you've no idea how confusing it be all the thing be alive; for instance, there's the arch I've get to go through next walk about at the other end of the ground--and I should have croquet the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it run away when it see mine come!" # "How do you like the Queen?" say the Cat in a low voice. # "not at all," say Alice: "she's so extremely--" just then she noticed that the Queen be close behind her, listening: so she go on, "--likely to win, that it'S hardly worth while finish the game." # the Queen smile and pass on. # "who be you talk to?" say the King, go up to Alice, and look at the Cat's head with great curiosity. # "it's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat," say Alice: "allow me to introduce it." # "I don't like the look of it at all," say the King: "however, it may kiss my hand if it like." # "I'd rather not," the Cat remark. # "Don't be impertinent," say the King, "and don't look at me like that!" he get behind Alice as he speak. # "a cat may look at a king," say Alice. "I've read that in some book, but I don't remember where." # "Well, it must be remove," say the King very decidedly, and he call the Queen, who be pass at the moment, "my dear! I wish you would have this cat remove!" # the Queen have only one way of settle all difficulty, great or small. "off with his head!" she say, without even look round. # "I'll fetch the executioner myself," say the King eagerly, and he hurried off. # Alice think she might as well go back, and see how the game be go on, as she hear the Queen's voice in the distance, scream with passion. she have already hear her sentence three of the player to be execute for have miss their turn, and she do not like the look of thing at all, as the game be in such confusion that she never know whether it be her turn or not. so she go in search of her hedgehog. # the hedgehog be engage in a fight with another hedgehog, which seem to Alice an excellent opportunity for croquet one of them with the other: the only difficulty be, that her flamingo be go across to the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it try in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree. # by the time she have catch the flamingo and bring it back, the fight be over, and both the hedgehog be out of sight: "but it doesn't matter much," think Alice, "as all the arch be go from this side of the ground." so she tuck it away under her arm, that it might not escape again, and go back for a little more conversation with her friend. # when she get back to the Cheshire Cat, she be surprise to find quite a large crowd collect round it: there be a dispute go on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who be all talk at once, while all the rest be quite silent, and look very uncomfortable. # the moment Alice appear, she be appeal to by all three to settle the question, and they repeat their argument to her, though, as they all speak at once, she find it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they say. # the executioner's argument be, that you couldn't cut off a head unless there be a body to cut it off from: that he have never have to do such a thing before, and he wasn't go to begin at his time of life. # the King's argument be, that anything that have a head could be behead, and that you weren't to talk nonsense. # the Queen's argument be, that if something wasn't do about it in less than no time she'd have everybody execute, all round. (it be this last remark that have make the whole party look so grave and anxious.) # Alice could think of nothing else to say but "it belong to the Duchess: you'd good ask her about it." # "she's in prison," the Queen say to the executioner: "fetch her here." and the executioner go off like an arrow. # the Cat's head begin fading away the moment he be go, and, by the time he have come back with the Dutchess, it have entirely disappear; so the King and the executioner run wildly up and down look for it, while the rest of the party go back to the game. # Chapter IX the Mock Turtle's story # "you can't think how glad I be to see you again, you dear old thing!" say the Duchess, as she tuck her arm affectionately into Alice'S, and they walk off together. # Alice be very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and think to herself that perhaps it be only the pepper that have make her so savage when they meet in the kitchen. # "when I'm a Duchess," she say to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone though), "I won't have any pepper in my kitchen at all. Soup do very well without--maybe it'S always pepper that make people hot-temper," she go on, very much pleased at have find out a new kind of rule, "and vinegar that make them sour--and camomile that make them bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such thing that make child sweet-temper. I only wish people know that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you know--" # she have quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and be a little startle when she hear her voice close to her ear. "you're think about something, my dear, and that make you forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that be, but I shall remember it in a bit." # "perhaps it hasn't one," Alice venture to remark. # "Tut, tut, child!" say the Duchess. "Everything'S get a moral, if only you can find it." and she squeeze herself up closer to Alice's side as she speak. # Alice do not much like keep so close to her: first, because the Duchess be very ugly; and secondly, because she be exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it be an uncomfortably sharp chin. however, she do not like to be rude, so she bear it as well as she could. # "the game's go on rather good now," she say, by way of keep up the conversation a little. # "Tis so," say the Duchess: "and the moral of that be--"oh, 'ti love, 'ti love, that make the world go round!" # "Somebody say," Alice whisper, "that it'S do by everybody mind their own business!" # "ah, well! it mean much the same thing," say the Duchess, digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she add, "and the moral of that be--"take care of the sense, and the sound will take care of themselves." # "How fond she be of find moral in thing!" Alice think to herself. # "I dare say you're wonder why I don't put my arm round your waist," the Duchess say after a pause: "the reason be, that I'm doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?" # "he might bite," Alice cautiously reply, not feeling at all anxious to have the experiment try. # "Very true," say the Duchess: "flamingo and mustard both bite. and the moral of that be--"Birds of a feather flock together." # "only mustard isn't a bird," Alice remark. # "right, as usual," say the Duchess: "what a clear way you have of put thing!" # "it's a mineral, I think," say Alice. # "of course it be," say the Duchess, who seem ready to agree to everything that Alice say; "there's a large mustard-mine near here. and the moral of that be--"the more there be of mine, the less there be of yours."' # "oh, I know!" exclaim Alice, who have not attend to this last remark, "it's a vegetable. it doesn't look like one, but it be." # "I quite agree with you," say the Duchess; "and the moral of that be--"be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more simply--"never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to other that what you be or might have be be not otherwise than what you have be would have appear to them to be otherwise."' # "I think I should understand that well," Alice say very politely, "if I have it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it." # "that'S nothing to what I could say if I choose," the Duchess reply, in a pleased tone. # "Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that," say Alice. # "oh, don't talk about trouble!" say the Duchess. "I make you a present of everything I've say as yet." # "a cheap sort of present!" thought Alice. "I'm glad they don't give birthday present like that!" but she do not venture to say it out loud. # "Thinking again?" the Duchess ask, with another dig of her sharp little chin. # "I've a right to think," say Alice sharply, for she be begin to feel a little worry. # "just about as much right," say the Duchess, "as pig have to fly; and the m--" # but here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice die away, even in the middle of her favourite word "moral," and the arm that be link into hers begin to tremble. Alice look up, and there stand the Queen in front of them, with her arm fold, frown like a thunderstorm. # "a fine day, your Majesty!" the Duchess begin in a low, weak voice. # "now, I give you fair warning," shout the Queen, stamp on the ground as she speak; "either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time! take your choice!" # the Duchess take her choice, and be go in a moment. # "let's go on with the game," the Queen say to Alice; and Alice be too much frighten to say a word, but slowly follow her back to the croquet-ground. # the other guest have take advantage of the Queen's absence, and be rest in the shade: however, the moment they see her, they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remark that a moment's delay would cost them their life. # All the time they be play the Queen never leave off quarrel with the other player, and shout "off with his head!" or "off with her head!" those whom she sentence be take into custody by the soldier, who of course have to leave off be arch to do this, so that by the end of half an hour or so there be no arch left, and all the player, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, be in custody and under sentence of execution. # then the Queen leave off, quite out of breath, and say to Alice, "have you see the Mock Turtle yet?" # "No," say Alice. "I don't even know what a Mock Turtle be." # "it's the thing Mock Turtle Soup be make from," say the Queen. # "I never see one, or hear of one," say Alice. # "come on, then," say the Queen, "and he shall tell you his history," # as they walk off together, Alice hear the King say in a low voice, to the company generally, "you be all pardon." "come, that'S a good thing!" she say to herself, for she have feel quite unhappy at the number of execution the Queen have order. # they very soon come upon a Gryphon, lie fast asleep in the sun. (if you don't know what a Gryphon be, look at the picture.) "up, lazy thing!" say the Queen, "and take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some execution I have order"; and she walk off, leave Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice do not quite like the look of the creature, but on the whole she think it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage Queen: so she wait. # the Gryphon sit up and rub its eye: then it watch the Queen till she be out of sight: then it chuckle. "What fun!" say the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice. # "What be the fun?" say Alice. # "why, she," say the Gryphon. "it's all her fancy, that: they never execute nobody, you know. come on!" # "Everybody say "come on!" here," think Alice, as she go slowly after it: "I never be so order about in all my life, never!" # they have not go far before they see the Mock Turtle in the distance, sit sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they come near, Alice could hear him sigh as if his heart would break. she pity him deeply. "What be his sorrow?" she ask the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answer, very nearly in the same word as before, "it's all his fancy, that: he hasn't get no sorrow, you know. come on!" # so they go up to the Mock Turtle, who look at them with large eye full of tear, but say nothing. # "this here young lady," say the Gryphon, "she want for to know your history, she do." # "I'll tell it her," say the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: "sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finish." # so they sit down, and nobody speak for some minute. Alice think to herself, "I don't see how he can even finish, if he doesn't begin." but she wait patiently. # "once," say the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, "I be a real Turtle." # these word be follow by a very long silence, break only by an occasional exclamation of "Hjckrrh!" from the Gryphon, and the constant heavy sob of the Mock Turtle. Alice be very nearly get up and say, "thank you, sir, for your interesting story," but she could not help think there must be more to come, so she sit still and say nothing. # "when we be little," the Mock Turtle go on at last, more calmly, though still sob a little now and then, "we go to school in the sea. the master be an old Turtle--we use to call him Tortoise--" # "why do you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice ask. # "we call him Tortoise because he teach us,' say the Mock Turtle angrily: "really you be very dull!" # "you ought to be ashamed of yourself for ask such a simple question," add the Gryphon; and then they both sit silent and look at poor Alice, who feel ready to sink into the earth. at last the Gryphon say to the Mock Turtle, "Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!" and he go on in these word: # "yes, we go to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it--" # "I never say I didn't!" interrupted Alice. # "you do," say the Mock Turtle. # "hold your tongue!" added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again. the Mock Turtle go on. # "we have the good of education--in fact, we go to school every day--" # "I've be to a day-school, too," say Alice; "you needn't be so proud as all that." # "with extra?" ask the Mock Turtle a little anxiously. # "yes," say Alice, "we learn French and music." # "and washing?" say the Mock Turtle. # "certainly not!" say Alice indignantly. # "ah! then yours wasn't a really good school," say the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. "now at ours they have at the end of the bill, "French, music, and washing--extra." # "you couldn't have want it much," say Alice; "live at the bottom of the sea." # "I couldn't afford to learn it." say the Mock Turtle with a sigh. "I only take the regular course." # "What be that?" inquire Alice. # "Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with," the Mock Turtle reply; "and then the different branch of Arithmetic-- Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision." # "I never hear of "uglification," Alice venture to say. "What be it?" # the Gryphon lift up both its paw in surprise. "What! Never hear of uglify!" it exclaim. "you know what to beautify be, I suppose?" # "yes," say Alice doubtfully: "it mean--to--make--anything--pretty." # "Well, then," the Gryphon go on, "if you don't know what to uglify be, you be a simpleton." # Alice do not feel encourage to ask any more question about it, so she turn to the Mock Turtle, and say "What else have you to learn?" # "Well, there be Mystery," the Mock Turtle reply, count off the subject on his flapper, "--Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master be an old conger-eel, that use to come once a week: he teach us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils." # "What be that like?" say Alice. # "Well, I can't show it you myself," the Mock Turtle say: "I'm too stiff. and the Gryphon never learn it." # "Hadn't time," say the Gryphon: "I go to the Classics master, though. he be an old crab, he be." # "I never go to him," the Mock Turtle say with a sigh: "he teach Laughing and Grief, they use to say." # "so he do, so he do," say the Gryphon, sigh in his turn; and both creature hide their face in their paw. # "and how many hour a day do you do lesson?" say Alice, in a hurry to change the subject. # "Ten hour the first day," say the Mock Turtle: "nine the next, and so on." # "What a curious plan!" exclaim Alice. # "that'S the reason they're call lesson," the Gryphon remark: "because they lessen from day to day." # this be quite a new idea to Alice, and she think it over a little before she make her next remark. "then the eleventh day must have be a holiday?" # "of course it be," say the Mock Turtle. # "and how do you manage on the twelfth?" Alice go on eagerly. # "that'S enough about lesson," the Gryphon interrupted in a very decide tone: "tell her something about the game now." # Chapter X the Lobster Quadrille # the Mock Turtle sigh deeply, and draw the back of one flapper across his eye. he look at Alice, and try to speak, but for a minute or two sob choke his voice. "same as if he have a bone in his throat," say the Gryphon: and it set to work shake him and punching him in the back. at last the Mock Turtle recover his voice, and, with tear run down his cheek, he go on again:-- # "you may not have live much under the sea--" ("I haven't," say Alice)-- "and perhaps you be never even introduce to a lobster--" (Alice begin to say "I once taste--" but check herself hastily, and say "No, never") "--so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille be!" # "No, indeed," say Alice. "What sort of a dance be it?" # "why," say the Gryphon, "you first form into a line along the sea-shore--" # "Two line!" cry the Mock Turtle. "Seals, turtle, salmon, and so on; then, when you've clear all the jelly-fish out of the way--" # "that generally take some time," interrupted the Gryphon. # "--you advance twice--" # "each with a lobster as a partner!" cry the Gryphon. # "of course," the Mock Turtle say: "advance twice, set to partner--" # "--change lobster, and retire in same order," continue the Gryphon. # "then, you know," the Mock Turtle go on, "you throw the--" # "the lobster!" shout the Gryphon, with a bind into the air. # "--as far out to sea as you can--" # "Swim after them!" scream the Gryphon. # "Turn a somersault in the sea!" cry the Mock Turtle, caper wildly about. # "Change lobster'S again!" yell the Gryphon at the top of its voice. # "back to land again, and that's all the first figure," say the Mock Turtle, suddenly drop his voice; and the two creature, who have be jump about like mad thing all this time, sit down again very sadly and quietly, and look at Alice. # "it must be a very pretty dance," say Alice timidly. # "Would you like to see a little of it?" say the Mock Turtle. # "Very much indeed," say Alice. # "come, let's try the first figure!" say the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. "we can do without lobster, you know. which shall sing?" # "oh, you sing," say the Gryphon. "I've forget the word." # so they begin solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and then tread on her toe when they pass too close, and wave their forepaw to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sing this, very slowly and sadly:-- # "Will you walk a little faster?" say a whiting to a snail. "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's tread on my tail. See how eagerly the lobster and the turtle all advance! they be wait on the shingle--will you come and join the dance? # Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance? # "you can really have no notion how delightful it will be when they take us up and throw us, with the lobster, out to sea!" but the snail reply "too far, too far!" and give a look askance-- Said he thank the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance. # Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance. # "What matter it how far we go?" his scaly friend reply. "There be another shore, you know, upon the other side. the further off from England the near be to France-- then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance. # Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"' # "Will you walk into my parlour?" say the Spider to the Fly, "'Tis the pretty little parlour that ever you do spy; the way into my parlour be up a wind stair, and I've a many curious thing to shew when you be there." "oh no, no," say the little Fly, "to ask me be in vain, for who go up your wind stair can ne'er come down again." # "I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soar up so high; Will you rest upon my little bed?" say the Spider to the Fly. "There be pretty curtain draw around; the sheet be fine and thin, and if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!" "oh no, no," say the little Fly, "for I've often hear it say, they never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!" # "thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' say Alice, feeling very glad that it be over at last: "and I do so like that curious song about the whiting!' # "oh, as to the whiting," say the Mock Turtle, "they--you've see them, of course?" # "yes," say Alice, "I've often see them at dinn--" she check herself hastily. # "I don't know where Dinn may be," say the Mock Turtle, "but if you've see them so often, of course you know what they're like." # "I believe so," Alice reply thoughtfully. "they have their tail in their mouth--and they're all over crumb." # "you're wrong about the crumb," say the Mock Turtle: "crumb would all wash off in the sea. but they have their tail in their mouth; and the reason be--" here the Mock Turtle yawn and shut his eye.--"tell her about the reason and all that," he say to the Gryphon. # "the reason be," say the Gryphon, "that they would go with the lobster to the dance. so they get throw out to sea. so they have to fall a long way. so they get their tail fast in their mouth. so they couldn't get them out again. that'S all." # "thank you," say Alice, "it'S very interesting. I never know so much about a whiting before." # "I can tell you more than that, if you like," say the Gryphon. "do you know why it'S call a whiting?" # "I never thought about it," say Alice. "why?" # "it do the boot and shoe." the Gryphon reply very solemnly. # Alice be thoroughly puzzle. "do the boot and shoe!" she repeat in a wonder tone. # "why, what be your shoe do with?" say the Gryphon. "I mean, what make them so shiny?" # Alice look down at them, and consider a little before she give her answer. "they're do with blacking, I believe." # "Boots and shoe under the sea," the Gryphon go on in a deep voice, "be do with a whiting. now you know." # "and what be they make of?" Alice ask in a tone of great curiosity. # "Soles and eel, of course," the Gryphon reply rather impatiently: "any shrimp could have tell you that." # "if I'd be the whiting," say Alice, whose thought be still run on the song, "I'd have say to the porpoise, "keep back, please: we don't want you with us!"' # "they be oblige to have him with them," the Mock Turtle say: "no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise." # "Wouldn't it really?" say Alice in a tone of great surprise. # "of course not," say the Mock Turtle: "why, if a fish come to me, and tell me he be go a journey, I should say "with what porpoise?" # "Don't you mean "purpose"?" say Alice. # "I mean what I say," the Mock Turtle reply in an offend tone. # and the Gryphon add "come, let's hear some of your adventure." # "I could tell you my adventure--begin from this morning," say Alice a little timidly: "but it's no use go back to yesterday, because I be a different person then." # "Explain all that," say the Mock Turtle. # "No, no! the adventure first," say the Gryphon in an impatient tone: "explanation take such a dreadful time." # so Alice begin tell them her adventure from the time when she first see the White Rabbit. she be a little nervous about it just at first, the two creature get so close to her, one on each side, and open their eye and mouth so very wide, but she gain courage as she go on. her listener be perfectly quiet till she get to the part about her repeat "you be Old, Father William," to the Caterpillar, and the word all come different, and then the Mock Turtle draw a long breath, and say "that'S very curious." # "it's all about as curious as it can be," say the Gryphon. # "it all come different!" the Mock Turtle repeat thoughtfully. "I should like to hear her try and repeat something now. tell her to begin." he look at the Gryphon as if he think it have some kind of authority over Alice. # "stand up and repeat "'Tis the Voice of the Sluggard,"' say the Gryphon. # "How the creature order one about, and make one repeat lesson!" thought Alice; "I might as well be at school at once." however, she get up, and begin to repeat it, but her head be so full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly know what she be say, and the word come very queer indeed:-- # "'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I hear him declare, "you have bake me too brown, I must sugar my hair." as a duck with its eyelid, so he with his nose Trims his belt and his button, and turn out his toe." # when the sand be all dry, he be gay as a lark, and will talk in contemptuous tone of the Shark, but, when the tide rise and shark be around, his voice have a timid and tremulous sound. # 'Tis the voice of the Sluggard: I hear him complain, "you have wake me too soon! I must slumber again!" as the door on its hinge, so he on his bed Turns his side, and his shoulder, and his heavy head. # "a little more sleep, and a little more slumber;" thus he waste half his day, and his hour without number, and when he get up, he sit folding his hand, or walk about saunter, or trifling he stand. # "that'S different from what I use to say when I be a child," say the Gryphon. # "Well, I never hear it before," say the Mock Turtle; "but it sound uncommon nonsense." # Alice say nothing; she have sit down with her face in her hand, wonder if anything would ever happen in a natural way again. # "I should like to have it explain," say the Mock Turtle. # "she can't explain it," say the Gryphon hastily. "Go on with the next verse." # "but about his toe?" the Mock Turtle persist. "How could he turn them out with his nose, you know?" # "it's the first position in dancing." Alice say; but be dreadfully puzzle by the whole thing, and long to change the subject. # "Go on with the next verse," the Gryphon repeat impatiently: "it begin "I pass by his garden." # Alice do not dare to disobey, though she feel sure it would all come wrong, and she go on in a tremble voice:-- # "I pass by his garden, and mark, with one eye, How the Owl and the Panther be share a pie--" the Panther take pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, while the Owl have the dish as its share of the treat. # when the pie be all finish, the Owl, as a boon, be kindly permit to pocket the spoon: while the Panther receive knife and fork with a growl, and conclude the banquet-- # I pass'd by his garden, and see the wild brier, the thorn and the thistle grow broad and high; the clothes that hang on him be turn to rag; and his money still waste till he starve or he beg. # I make him a visit, still hope to find that he take well care for improve his mind: he tell me his dream, talk of eat and drinking; but scarce read his Bible, and never love thinking. # Said I then to my heart, "here'S a lesson for me," this man'S but a picture of what I might be: but thank to my friend for their care in my breeding, who teach me betimes to love work and reading. # "What be the use of repeating all that stuff," the Mock Turtle interrupted, "if you don't explain it as you go on? it's by far the most confusing thing I ever hear!" # "yes, I think you'd good leave off," say the Gryphon: and Alice be only too glad to do so. # "Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?" the Gryphon go on. "or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?" # "oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind," Alice reply, so eagerly that the Gryphon say, in a rather offend tone, "Hm! no accounting for taste! Sing her "Turtle Soup," will you, old fellow?" # the Mock Turtle sigh deeply, and begin, in a voice sometimes choke with sob, to sing this:-- # "Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot tureen! who for such dainty would not stoop? Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! # Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup! # "Beautiful Soup! who care for fish, Game, or any other dish? who would not give all else for two pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? # Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, Beautiful, beauti--FUL Soup!" # Beautiful star in Heaven so bright, Softly fall thy silv'ry light, as thou movest from earth afar, Star of the evening, Beautiful star. Star of the evening, Beautiful star. # CHORUS Beautiful star, (Beautiful star,) Beautiful star, (beautiful star,) Star of the eve-ning Beautiful, beautiful star. # "Chorus again!" cry the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle have just begin to repeat it, when a cry of "the trial's beginning!" be hear in the distance. # "come on!" cry the Gryphon, and, take Alice by the hand, it hurried off, without wait for the end of the song. # "What trial be it?" Alice pant as she run; but the Gryphon only answer "come on!" and run the faster, while more and more faintly come, carry on the breeze that follow them, the melancholy word:-- # "Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup!" # Chapter XI who Stole the Tarts? # the King and Queen of Hearts be seat on their throne when they arrive, with a great crowd assemble about them--all sort of little bird and beast, as well as the whole pack of card: the Knave be stand before them, in chain, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near the King be the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. in the very middle of the court be a table, with a large dish of tart upon it: they look so good, that it make Alice quite hungry to look at them--"I wish they'd get the trial do," she thought, "and hand round the refreshment!" but there seem to be no chance of this, so she begin look at everything about her, to pass away the time. # Alice have never be in a court of justice before, but she have read about them in book, and she be quite pleased to find that she know the name of nearly everything there. "that's the judge," she say to herself, "because of his great wig." # the judge, by the way, be the King; and as he wear his crown over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he do it,) he do not look at all comfortable, and it be certainly not become. # "and that's the jury-box," think Alice, "and those twelve creature," (she be oblige to say "creature," you see, because some of them be animal, and some be bird,) "I suppose they be the juror." she say this last word two or three time over to herself, be rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girl of her age know the meaning of it at all. however, "jury-man" would have do just as well. # the twelve juror be all writing very busily on slate. "What be they do?" Alice whisper to the Gryphon. "they can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial'S begin." # "they're put down their name," the Gryphon whisper in reply, "for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial." # "Stupid thing!" Alice begin in a loud, indignant voice, but she stop hastily, for the White Rabbit cry out, "Silence in the court!" and the King put on his spectacles and look anxiously round, to make out who be talk. # Alice could see, as well as if she be look over their shoulder, that all the juror be write down "stupid thing!" on their slate, and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell "stupid," and that he have to ask his neighbour to tell him. "a nice muddle their slate'll be in before the trial'S over!" thought Alice. # One of the juror have a pencil that squeak. this of course, Alice could not stand, and she go round the court and get behind him, and very soon find an opportunity of take it away. she do it so quickly that the poor little juror (it be Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what have become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he be oblige to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this be of very little use, as it leave no mark on the slate. # "Herald, read the accusation!" say the King. # on this the White Rabbit blow three blast on the trumpet, and then unroll the parchment scroll, and read as follow:-- # "the Queen of Hearts, she make some tart, all on a summer day: the Knave of Hearts, he steal those tart, and take them quite away!" # White Rabbit, dress as herald, blow trumpet "consider your verdict," the King say to the jury. # "not yet, not yet!" the Rabbit hastily interrupt. "There's a great deal to come before that!" # "Call the first witness," say the King; and the White Rabbit blow three blast on the trumpet, and call out, "First witness!" # the first witness be the Hatter. he come in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. "I beg pardon, your Majesty," he begin, "for bring these in: but I hadn't quite finish my tea when I be send for." # "you ought to have finish," say the King. "when do you begin?" # the Hatter look at the March Hare, who have follow him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. "Fourteenth of March, I think it be," he say. # "Fifteenth," say the March Hare. # "Sixteenth," add the Dormouse. # "Write that down," the King say to the jury, and the jury eagerly write down all three date on their slate, and then added them up, and reduce the answer to shilling and pence. # "take off your hat," the King say to the Hatter. # "it isn't mine," say the Hatter. # "Stolen!" the King exclaim, turn to the jury, who instantly make a memorandum of the fact. # "I keep them to sell," the Hatter add as an explanation; "I've none of my own. I'm a hatter." # here the Queen put on her spectacles, and begin stare at the Hatter, who turn pale and fidget. # "give your evidence," say the King; "and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot." # this do not seem to encourage the witness at all: he keep shift from one foot to the other, look uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter. # just at this moment Alice feel a very curious sensation, which puzzle her a good deal until she make out what it be: she be begin to grow large again, and she think at first she would get up and leave the court; but on second thought she decide to remain where she be as long as there be room for her. # "I wish you wouldn't squeeze so." say the Dormouse, who be sit next to her. "I can hardly breathe." # "I can't help it," say Alice very meekly: "I'm grow." # "you've no right to grow here," say the Dormouse. # "Don't talk nonsense," say Alice more boldly: "you know you're grow too." # "yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace," say the Dormouse: "not in that ridiculous fashion.' and he get up very sulkily and cross over to the other side of the court. # All this time the Queen have never left off stare at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse cross the court, she say to one of the officer of the court, "Bring me the list of the singer in the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter tremble so, that he shake both his shoe off. # "give your evidence," the King repeat angrily, "or I'll have you execute, whether you're nervous or not." # "I'm a poor man, your Majesty," the Hatter begin, in a tremble voice, "--and I hadn't begin my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the bread-and-butter get so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--" # "the twinkling of the what?" say the King. # "it begin with the tea," the Hatter reply. # "of course twinkling begin with a T!" say the King sharply. "do you take me for a dunce? Go on!" # "I'm a poor man," the Hatter go on, "and most thing twinkle after that--only the March Hare say--" # "I didn't!" the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry. # "you do!" say the Hatter. # "I deny it!" say the March Hare. # "he deny it," say the King: "leave out that part." # "Well, at any rate, the Dormouse say--" the Hatter go on, look anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse deny nothing, be fast asleep. # "after that," continue the Hatter, "I cut some more bread-and-butter--" # "but what do the Dormouse say?" one of the jury ask. # "that I can't remember," say the Hatter. # "you must remember," remark the King, "or I'll have you execute." # the miserable Hatter drop his teacup and bread-and-butter, and go down on one knee. "I'm a poor man, your Majesty," he begin. # "you're a very poor speaker," say the King. # here one of the guinea-pig cheer, and be immediately suppress by the officer of the court. (as that be rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it be do. they have a large canvas bag, which tie up at the mouth with string: into this they slip the guinea-pig, head first, and then sit upon it.) # "I'm glad I've see that do," think Alice. "I've so often read in the newspaper, at the end of trial, "There be some attempt at applause, which be immediately suppress by the officer of the court," and I never understand what it mean till now." # "if that's all you know about it, you may stand down," continue the King. # "I can't go no lower," say the Hatter: "I'm on the floor, as it be." # "then you may sit down," the King reply. # here the other guinea-pig cheer, and be suppress. # "come, that finish the guinea-pig!" thought Alice. "now we shall get on well." # "I'd rather finish my tea," say the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen, who be read the list of singer. # "you may go," say the King, and the Hatter hurriedly leave the court, without even wait to put his shoe on. # "--and just take his head off outside," the Queen add to one of the officer: but the Hatter be out of sight before the officer could get to the door. # "Call the next witness!" say the King. # the next witness be the Duchess's cook. she carry the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guess who it be, even before she get into the court, by the way the people near the door begin sneeze all at once. # "give your evidence," say the King. # "Shan't," say the cook. # the King look anxiously at the White Rabbit, who say in a low voice, "your Majesty must cross-examine this witness." # "Well, if I must, I must," the King say, with a melancholy air, and, after folding his arm and frown at the cook till his eye be nearly out of sight, he say in a deep voice, "What be tart make of?" # "Pepper, mostly," say the cook. # "Treacle," say a sleepy voice behind her. # "Collar that Dormouse," the Queen shriek out. "Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! off with his whisker!" # for some minute the whole court be in confusion, get the Dormouse turn out, and, by the time they have settle down again, the cook have disappear. # "never mind!" say the King, with an air of great relief. "Call the next witness." and he add in an undertone to the Queen, "really, my dear, you must cross-examine the next witness. it quite make my forehead ache!" # Alice watch the White Rabbit as he fumble over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like, "--for they haven't get much evidence yet," she say to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name "Alice!" # Chapter XII Alice's evidence # "here!" cry Alice, quite forget in the flurry of the moment how large she have grow in the last few minute, and she jump up in such a hurry that she tip over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt, upset all the juryman on to the head of the crowd below, and there they lie sprawling about, remind her very much of a globe of goldfish she have accidentally upset the week before. # "oh, I beg your pardon!" she exclaim in a tone of great dismay, and begin pick them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of the goldfish keep run in her head, and she have a vague sort of idea that they must be collect at once and put back into the jury-box, or they would die. # "the trial can proceed," say the King in a very grave voice, "until all the juryman be back in their proper place-- all," he repeated with great emphasis, look hard at Alice as he say do. # Alice look at the jury-box, and see that, in her haste, she have put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing be wave its tail about in a melancholy way, be quite unable to move. she soon get it out again, and put it right; "not that it signify much," she say to herself; "I should think it would be quite as much use in the trial one way up as the other." # as soon as the jury have a little recover from the shock of be upset, and their slate and pencil have be find and hand back to them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seem too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open, gaze up into the roof of the court. # "What do you know about this business?" the King say to Alice. # "nothing," say Alice. # "nothing whatever?" persist the King. # "nothing whatever," say Alice. # "that'S very important," the King say, turn to the jury. they be just begin to write this down on their slate, when the White Rabbit interrupted: "unimportant, your Majesty mean, of course," he say in a very respectful tone, but frown and make face at him as he speak. # "unimportant, of course, I mean," the King hastily say, and go on to himself in an undertone, "important--unimportant-- unimportant--important--" as if he be try which word sound good. # some of the jury write it down "important," and some "unimportant." Alice could see this, as she be near enough to look over their slate; "but it doesn't matter a bit," she think to herself. # at this moment the King, who have be for some time busily write in his note-book, cackle out "Silence!" and read out from his book, "Rule Forty-two. All person more than a mile high to leave the court." # Everybody look at Alice. # "I'm not a mile high," say Alice. # "you be," say the King. # "nearly two mile high," add the Queen. # "Well, I Shan't go, at any rate," say Alice: "besides, that'S not a regular rule: you invent it just now." # "it's the old rule in the book," say the King. # "then it ought to be Number One," say Alice. # the King turn pale, and shut his note-book hastily. "consider your verdict," he say to the jury, in a low, tremble voice. # "There'S more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty," say the White Rabbit, jump up in a great hurry; "this paper have just be pick up." # "What's in it?" say the Queen. # "I haven't open it yet," say the White Rabbit, "but it seem to be a letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody." # "it must have be that," say the King, "unless it be write to nobody, which isn't usual, you know." # "who be it direct to?" say one of the juryman. # "it isn't direct at all," say the White Rabbit; "in fact, there's nothing write on the outside." he unfold the paper as he speak, and add "it isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verse." # "be they in the prisoner's handwriting?" ask another of they juryman. # "No, they're not," say the White Rabbit, "and that's the queer thing about it." (the jury all look puzzle.) # "he must have imitate somebody else's hand," say the King. (the jury all brighten up again.) # "Please your Majesty," say the Knave, "I didn't write it, and they can't prove I do: there's no name sign at the end." # "if you didn't sign it," say the King, "that only make the matter worse. you must have mean some mischief, or else you'd have sign your name like an honest man." # There be a general clap of hand at this: it be the first really clever thing the King have say that day. # "that prove his guilt," say the Queen. # "it prove nothing of the sort!" say Alice. "why, you don't even know what they're about!" # "Read them," say the King. # the White Rabbit put on his spectacle. "where shall I begin, please your Majesty?" he ask. # "Begin at the beginning," the King say gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop." # these be the verse the White Rabbit read:-- # "they tell me you have be to her, and mention me to him: she give me a good character, but say I could not swim. # he send them word I have not go (we know it to be true): if she should push the matter on, What would become of you? # I give her one, they give him two, you give us three or more; they all return from him to you, Though they be mine before. # if I or she should chance to be Involved in this affair, he trust to you to set them free, exactly as we be. # My notion be that you have be (before she have this fit) an obstacle that come between Him, and ourselves, and it. # Don't let him know she like them good, for this must ever be a secret, keep from all the rest, between yourself and me." # "that'S the most important piece of evidence we've hear yet," say the King, rubbing his hand; "so now let the jury--" # "if any one of them can explain it," say Alice, (she have grow so large in the last few minute that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupt him,) "I'll give him sixpence. I don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it." # the jury all write down on their slate, "she doesn't believe there's an atom of meaning in it," but none of them attempt to explain the paper. # "if there's no meaning in it," say the King, "that save a world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. and yet I don't know," he go on, spread out the verse on his knee, and look at them with one eye; "I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. "--Said I could not swim--" you can't swim, can you?" he add, turn to the Knave. # the Knave shake his head sadly. "Do I look like it?" he say. (which he certainly do NOT, be make entirely of cardboard.) # "all right, so far," say the King, and he go on mutter over the verse to himself: "we know it to be true--" that's the jury, of course-- "I give her one, they give him two--" why, that must be what he do with the tart, you know--" # "but, it go on "they all return from him to you," say Alice. # "why, there they be!" say the King triumphantly, point to the tart on the table. "nothing can be clear than that. then again--"before she have this fit--" you never have fit, my dear, I think?" he say to the Queen. # "never!" say the Queen furiously, throw an inkstand at the Lizard as she speak. (the unfortunate little Bill have leave off write on his slate with one finger, as he find it make no mark; but he now hastily begin again, use the ink, that be trickle down his face, as long as it last.) # "then the word don't fit you," say the King, look round the court with a smile. there be a dead silence. # "it's a pun!" the King add in an offend tone, and everybody laugh, "let the jury consider their verdict," the King say, for about the twentieth time that day. # "No, no!" say the Queen. "Sentence first--verdict afterwards." # "Stuff and nonsense!" say Alice loudly. "the idea of have the sentence first!" # "hold your tongue!" say the Queen, turn purple. # "I won't!" say Alice. # "off with her head!" the Queen shout at the top of her voice. nobody move. # "who care for you?" say Alice, (she have grow to her full size by this time.) "you're nothing but a pack of card!" # at this the whole pack rise up into the air, and come fly down upon her: she give a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and try to beat them off, and find herself lie on the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who be gently brush away some dead leave that have flutter down from the tree upon her face. # "Wake up, Alice dear!" say her sister; "why, what a long sleep you've have!" # "oh, I've have such a curious dream!" say Alice, and she tell her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures of hers that you have just be reading about; and when she have finish, her sister kiss her, and say, "it be a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's get late." so Alice get up and run off, think while she run, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it have be. # but her sister sit still just as she leave her, lean her head on her hand, watch the set sun, and think of little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too begin dream after a fashion, and this be her dream:-- # First, she dream of little Alice herself, and once again the tiny hand be clasp upon her knee, and the bright eager eye be look up into hers--she could hear the very tone of her voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back the wander hair that would always get into her eye--and still as she listen, or seem to listen, the whole place around her become alive the strange creature of her little sister's dream. # the long grass rustle at her foot as the White Rabbit hurried by--the frighten Mouse splash his way through the neighbour pool--she could hear the rattle of the teacup as the March Hare and his friend share their never-end meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen order off her unfortunate guest to execution--once more the pig-baby be sneeze on the Duchess's knee, while plate and dish crash around it--once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeak of the Lizard's slate-pencil, and the choke of the suppress guinea-pig, fill the air, mixed up with the distant sob of the miserable Mock Turtle. # so she sit on, with close eye, and half believe herself in Wonderland, though she know she have but to open them again, and all would change to dull reality--the grass would be only rustle in the wind, and the pool ripple to the wave of the reed--the rattle teacup would change to tinkling sheep-bell, and the Queen's shrill cry to the voice of the shepherd boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and all thy other queer noise, would change (she know) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the low of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's heavy sob. # Lastly, she picture to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grow woman; and how she would keep, through all her ripe year, the simple and loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her other little child, and make their eye bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrow, and find a pleasure in all their simple joy, remember her own child-life, and the happy summer day. #